Vajazzle= Ixnay on MY Va-Jay-Jay!

For those of you out there who have not heard of this term “vajazzle”, let me fill you in: This is the act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman’s nether regions for aesthetic purposes. Basically, you’re glitzin’ up the twat to make it more fancy and appealing, hence making yourself appear desperate and delusional.

Now that we got the def out of the way, can we please all say this together, ready? GO: WHAT THE FUCK?! Ladies! What happened to the days when a lacy thong, clean shave, or scented lotion was enough to jazz up the Y? Must we be applying glue to our skin in the formation of ruby jeweled flowers and pink crystal pussy cats in order to look presentable? Honestly.

Now we have websites (www.vajazzling.com- worth the click if you want to gasp with me), talk shows, 800 numbers, the whole sha-bang geared toward this supposed vajazzling. I know, a million questions are going through your head right now, as they should be. The design only lasts a few days and loose clothes are recommended so they don’t rub off, hey, this would be ideal for a nudist colony! Also, the website warns that your “vajazzle” won’t look as good with an STD so practice safe sex. Um…for $100 a jewel job, I’d rather just prance around and show it off, much less have a guy dry hump it off of me—ouch!

Another thought, why do the women feel the need to get all spruced up down there…I’m still trying to get over the whole “anal bleaching” thing, which is another “ixnay for MY boo-tay.” (Oh, new term? Google it). The guy is just happy to get you out of the panties without getting all distracted and blinded by the disco ball between your thighs. Plus, then he’ll get all confused about “Should I touch it?” “Will it rip her skin when we grind?” and “Is she going to get pissed if I loose one of these $17 gems in the process?” Or worse, “Am I supposed to be putting jewels on my balls?”

All I know is that the cock and the vagina are just fine “as is” provided they’re well maintained, smell fresh, and disease free. So guys, please don’t go dipping your dicks in glitter in an effort to keep up with the trend. This too shall pass…...