I used to believe that Summer should be a year round season. I love light. Sunshine. Patios. I love shopping for sunglasses, sandals, and shimmery lipgloss. I enjoy being able to sit on my deck and not freeze my ass off. Read a book outside while a warm breeze tickles my cheeks. I like grilled food, fruity cocktails, and putting my bare feet in soft sand. I love all those things eternally. However, I’m trying to embrace all seasons, and I’m currently opening my door to the love of Fall.
Oh refreshing Fall. Glorious Fall. Leaves of red and orange sprinkle about the treetops and pumpkin is the word of the day for weeks on end. The air outdoors turns from a dry heat to a chilled smokey dash of crisp wind that can either make you shiver in shock or take a deep breath in and a refreshing aaaahhhh out.
Fall is like nature’s nap between the seasons. The sun is taking a break from beaming and the lakes can finally be at peace with their reflection. The boats no longer break the glassy ambiance apart and the jet ski’s departure tames the roar that bellowed against it’s peaceful palette. The leaves tire of their emerald and lime shades of green and give us a quick pop of color, a final farewell before trickling their remains onto our sidewalks and lawns, turning to crust and then getting combed with the rake and left to sleep in a stuffed garbage bag. The trees go back to nakedness. Voluptuous billows of leaves disappear in the night and naked twigs sprouting from bare branches cast broken shadows onto the streets. The grass dries up and turns a haze of wheat, awaiting the blanket of snow that will cast them into a long nap until the whisper of Spring rouses them. It’s a fresh start and a sweet surrender.
Fall also gives me a little time to rest. After all, the upkeep on my pedicure was getting a bit tiring, and I can finally put an end to my search for the perfect bikini which never actually happened. AGAIN. Now that Fall has arrived, I can put my fuzzy socks on which my feet adore and rotate between my beloved boot collection of which I will never tire of. Sweatshirts and sweaters and scarves are fun. Since it’s chilly out and I’ll be spending more time inside, I can reconnect with my oven, bake pumpkin bread and simmer chili. The house will smell warm again and the lamps will look prettier against the dark windows. I also plan on becoming a squash connoisseur this season and creating squash soup, squash pie, and squash mac n’ cheese. I love squash, and I always forget to buy them, but this year I am going to make an effort to get my squash on. I am also going to carve a pumpkin and bake the seeds. I am going to make real apple cider as well. I might even dress up for Halloween if I can find a good dominatrix outfit....
In all seriousness though, life is all about change, and the weather is never an exception. Should we not make the best of every day we have on this earth, whether it’s raining or cold and gloomy as hell? I’m going to make an honest effort to not complain about the snow this year (it may only last the first few weeks after the initial snowfall, but I’ll TRY) because at the end of the day, I’m just really glad to be here. My life doesn’t revolve around the weather, it revolves around love. Happiness is all around me and I’m not going to let the condition of the atmosphere depict how I will feel. Every moment that this earth allows me to walk on it and life decides to still have me I’m going to appreciate it, and “fall” into it with both arms open.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
"Mommy, can you wipe my butt?"
Oh how I long for the days when I used to sleep in until tiny rays of sunshine danced upon my eye lids and the gentle morning breeze blew softly out the window. Somewhere between the range of 10:00 and noon was a delectable time for waking up on a Saturday morning. Those were such fairy tale times of beauty rest and relaxing mind sets. Then came the kid.
Once a child is welcomed into your life your sleep patterns go haywire. It’s random time slots of shut eye, never to be woken from naturally and an achy head usually follows with each awakening. The baby years of up and down and begging for just 4 straight hours of shut eye are well beyond me as my cute little pumpkin is now at the mature age of 4. Isn’t that old enough to wake up and entertain yourself for a couple hours? Apparently NOT.
I resort to bribery on many occasions, sometimes even on my knees pleading for him to not wake me before the sun comes out. Before I went to sleep last night I had him all equipped to care for himself if he were to wake by 6 a.m. I leave the bathroom light on so he can find the potty. I have his ipad on his night stand and have trained him on how to load a netflix movie. He has a glass of water if he’s thirsty and a couple of granola bars if he gets hungry. What else could you need? Extra blankets if he’s cold. All the teddy bears he owns are on the bed in case he suddenly decides he can’t find one. The lamp is on low. The monsters are evicted. No there are no spiders in your room. Kisses, hugs, and I love you’s seal the deal. I figured I’d be good to go. “Now what are you going to do if you wake up before mommy?” I tested. He obediently replied “I’ll turn on a movie, go potty and wait for the sun to come out.” Fingers crossed I fell asleep with a smile.
5 a.m. and still pitch black outside I hear a squeaky little voice “Mommy? Mommy?” I ignore it, thinking it will go away. It does not. After coaching myself on the importance of patience, I calmly mumble “What.” “Mommy can you wipe my butt?” This is not exactly the wake up call I’d hoped for. After reminding him that he’s a big boy and knows how to wipe his own butt, and I can’t believe you woke me over a poop, it’s still dark out, blah blah blah, and why are you naked right now? “But I did wipe my butt, but it won’t get clean and you do such a good job that I want you to wipe my butt,” UGH. Are you f’ing kidding me right now?
FINE. I get up and wipe the butt and put his pj’s back on and crash back on to my bed. Of course after that, I am completely unable to fall asleep again. “Sleeping in”, I am convinced those words are erased from my vocabulary. But in exchange for them I get the words “little voice.” Therefore, I am going to be thankful that I have a little voice in my life. After all, no voice in the world has given me such joy, such fulfillment, and such love. The fact that I have a little someone to call me mommy and who thinks I’m the best butt wiper in the world is kind of sweet actually. One day he’ll be all grown up and won’t rely on me to wipe his butt or scare away the monsters. I’m #1 in his eyes right now and I think I’ll try and keep it that way as long as I can. He wants to hang out with me, play with me, and he willingly announces that I’m his best friend at the most random moments. I am his everything. Time will fly and one day I won’t be able to sleep because he’s late for curfew or may not come home. One day he may stop slobbering me with wet kisses before I tuck him in at night. I hope he never stops giving me that big bear hug that ends with him saying “Oh Mommy Mommy I love you soooo much!” and squeezing MY cheeks.
So even if I wake up a little crabby and my under eye bags are extra deep, I think I’ll take that little voice waking me up as long as I can, even if it is to be woken by a naked little boy who needs his butt wiped.
Once a child is welcomed into your life your sleep patterns go haywire. It’s random time slots of shut eye, never to be woken from naturally and an achy head usually follows with each awakening. The baby years of up and down and begging for just 4 straight hours of shut eye are well beyond me as my cute little pumpkin is now at the mature age of 4. Isn’t that old enough to wake up and entertain yourself for a couple hours? Apparently NOT.
I resort to bribery on many occasions, sometimes even on my knees pleading for him to not wake me before the sun comes out. Before I went to sleep last night I had him all equipped to care for himself if he were to wake by 6 a.m. I leave the bathroom light on so he can find the potty. I have his ipad on his night stand and have trained him on how to load a netflix movie. He has a glass of water if he’s thirsty and a couple of granola bars if he gets hungry. What else could you need? Extra blankets if he’s cold. All the teddy bears he owns are on the bed in case he suddenly decides he can’t find one. The lamp is on low. The monsters are evicted. No there are no spiders in your room. Kisses, hugs, and I love you’s seal the deal. I figured I’d be good to go. “Now what are you going to do if you wake up before mommy?” I tested. He obediently replied “I’ll turn on a movie, go potty and wait for the sun to come out.” Fingers crossed I fell asleep with a smile.
5 a.m. and still pitch black outside I hear a squeaky little voice “Mommy? Mommy?” I ignore it, thinking it will go away. It does not. After coaching myself on the importance of patience, I calmly mumble “What.” “Mommy can you wipe my butt?” This is not exactly the wake up call I’d hoped for. After reminding him that he’s a big boy and knows how to wipe his own butt, and I can’t believe you woke me over a poop, it’s still dark out, blah blah blah, and why are you naked right now? “But I did wipe my butt, but it won’t get clean and you do such a good job that I want you to wipe my butt,” UGH. Are you f’ing kidding me right now?
FINE. I get up and wipe the butt and put his pj’s back on and crash back on to my bed. Of course after that, I am completely unable to fall asleep again. “Sleeping in”, I am convinced those words are erased from my vocabulary. But in exchange for them I get the words “little voice.” Therefore, I am going to be thankful that I have a little voice in my life. After all, no voice in the world has given me such joy, such fulfillment, and such love. The fact that I have a little someone to call me mommy and who thinks I’m the best butt wiper in the world is kind of sweet actually. One day he’ll be all grown up and won’t rely on me to wipe his butt or scare away the monsters. I’m #1 in his eyes right now and I think I’ll try and keep it that way as long as I can. He wants to hang out with me, play with me, and he willingly announces that I’m his best friend at the most random moments. I am his everything. Time will fly and one day I won’t be able to sleep because he’s late for curfew or may not come home. One day he may stop slobbering me with wet kisses before I tuck him in at night. I hope he never stops giving me that big bear hug that ends with him saying “Oh Mommy Mommy I love you soooo much!” and squeezing MY cheeks.
So even if I wake up a little crabby and my under eye bags are extra deep, I think I’ll take that little voice waking me up as long as I can, even if it is to be woken by a naked little boy who needs his butt wiped.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Top 10 things NEVER to say to your woman when fighting:
10 things NEVER to say to your woman while fighting:
Did you just get your period or something?
Hold that thought, I need to grab another beer.
You’re just cranky because your jeans are too tight.
Calm down. You’re acting like a psycho.
Jason’s wife would never act like this.
You shouldn’t furrow your brow like that, it makes you look old.
I bet my cock can fix things.
STFU and make me a sandwich. Extra mayo.
What’s that? I wasn’t listening.
Can you hand me the remote? Can’t hear the game over all your bitchin’.
Did you just get your period or something?
Hold that thought, I need to grab another beer.
You’re just cranky because your jeans are too tight.
Calm down. You’re acting like a psycho.
Jason’s wife would never act like this.
You shouldn’t furrow your brow like that, it makes you look old.
I bet my cock can fix things.
STFU and make me a sandwich. Extra mayo.
What’s that? I wasn’t listening.
Can you hand me the remote? Can’t hear the game over all your bitchin’.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Things I learned at Target....
Top 10 things I learned at Target today...
1.) Weird is the new normal. I looked around me and decided this today. Between the guy who had chain link suspenders and purple striped socks, to the chic who was riding her cart like a skateboard it has become quite evident that “weird” has now taken over.
2.) Don’t tell your mom that all your college roommates bailed on your apartment in the middle of the laundry aisle. Yes, a son told his mother that Kenny is living with his girlfriend and Brian is no longer going to college because he has no money. Mom lost it as she co-signed on the lease and already put the down payment down and now the kid has no roommates and can’t afford the apartment. I lingered by the dryer sheets just to get the whole story as I found it quite interesting. Once the curse words started coming, I was on my way.
3.) 5 yr. olds don’t care about nutrition. This came from a couple trying to determine what granola bars to buy for their 5 yr. old’s lunch box. Woman was reading labels trying to determine which has more nutrients and whole grains. The man then loudly pronounced to the woman (as if she was an idiot) “Good God she’s 5 years old, how in the hell is she going to know the difference! All she cares about is taste Jane. Get her chocolate ones!” I judged this man as clueless, and wondered if their poor child will be damaged and chubby from all that high fructose corn syrup. Yes, I read the label on the box they chose, just to see if it had it.
4.) Every college kid with roommates should buy their own food and put their name on it. I know this sounds silly, but I think it’s true. Less arguments will ensue. Three bubbly girls were shopping together (new roommates I’m guessing) debating over what kind of chips to buy, who likes popcorn,and OMG have you guys tried uncrustables? I later saw them at the checkout aisle and one girl assumed they’d split the bill 3 ways, while another girl thought she was just “coming along.” Then they said, “well like you’re not going to eat any of this when it’s in the house”, and “I’m not just splitting the cost 2 ways, that’s way too much money.” One girl only brought $15 cash. Then came the debate of charging it. I wanted to walk over and counsel them all, but instead took the moment to be thankful I’m done with college! GAAH! Buy your own food and eat your own food. Split pizza and that’s it!
5.) Watch where you’re going. Simple thing I learned by watching a guy take a step backwards while laughing at his friend in the junk food aisle. His heel got ran over by a cart passing by and I don’t think they were tears of laughter, although he used that as a cover up.
6.) Get your coupons out ahead of time. Nobody wants to wait in line for-e-ver because someone is digging through their purse for a coupon they swear they just had! Get your coupons out and put them in front of your items before they get to the scanner, cashiers love that. Besides do you really want to be the person that holds up a line for 20% off a box of cereal? I think not.
7.) Look in the mirror before you leave the house. Not to sound mean, but honestly people, unless you are going dumpster diving or are headed off to wrestle up pigs later, you should really clean it up a bit if you’re going out in public. The BO coming off of a guy in aisle B5 was enough for me to forgo getting hand soap today, because I wasn’t going near that section. One lady even said to her husband “Ugh, what a smell..” while passing by him. Also, please don’t wear a size 5 or you’re a size 9. Be kind to your thighs and let them breathe.
8.) DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT drive by the entrance of a store with the music cranked so loud that the guy 2 miles away has to shut his windows. Not only that but to be playing a rap song using words like pussy and sex are not fit to be blaring out open windows EVER, especially when children are around. Appalling!! I muttered idiot under my breathe, but one guy decided to just call him a jackass out loud and I liked him for it.
9.) Orange juice gives you zits. This overheard by a mom and some girls shopping together. Mom: “Do you girls want any apple juice? Orange juice?” Girl 1: “OMG no OJ totally causes acne. I hate that stuff.” Mom: “Oh it does not that’s ridiculous.” Girl 2: “No it really does, and gives me cold sores too.” Girl 1: “Ew. I wonder if Pauly drinks OJ cuz his skin is a mess. You should ask him.” Mom: “Ok, well do you want some kind of sodas then?” Girl 2: “I like Sunkist.” Girl 1: “That’s got oranges in it too.”
The conversation got so ridiculous after that, I had to walk away before I started laughing!
10.) The greatest lesson I learned today was from the cashier at Target, and my inspiration behind this particular blog. The kid looked like the red head from the Harry Potter movies, about 17 or so, he said “Until you can do what you love, you gotta love what you’re doing.” Isn’t that the truth? When he asked “how are you today?” and I responded with “Great, how are you?” He proceeded to tell me everything he thought within the 3 minute check out time. It was hysterical. He went on about how “Some people just show up and do their job and work for the money and go home, but I come to be the best I can at everything I do and try to imagine myself as working for free because I’m having such a great time doing what I’m doing. It makes every day a great one! See you get it (who me? he just met me!) you just approach life with a good attitude and know that good things will come.” How did he know that by looking at me? It was great though. He gets it.
Between his schooling me on life and me being a little shocked over his openness, he forgot to give me all my bags which I had to go back and get. So I guess that’s the 11th lesson. Make sure you have all your bags!
1.) Weird is the new normal. I looked around me and decided this today. Between the guy who had chain link suspenders and purple striped socks, to the chic who was riding her cart like a skateboard it has become quite evident that “weird” has now taken over.
2.) Don’t tell your mom that all your college roommates bailed on your apartment in the middle of the laundry aisle. Yes, a son told his mother that Kenny is living with his girlfriend and Brian is no longer going to college because he has no money. Mom lost it as she co-signed on the lease and already put the down payment down and now the kid has no roommates and can’t afford the apartment. I lingered by the dryer sheets just to get the whole story as I found it quite interesting. Once the curse words started coming, I was on my way.
3.) 5 yr. olds don’t care about nutrition. This came from a couple trying to determine what granola bars to buy for their 5 yr. old’s lunch box. Woman was reading labels trying to determine which has more nutrients and whole grains. The man then loudly pronounced to the woman (as if she was an idiot) “Good God she’s 5 years old, how in the hell is she going to know the difference! All she cares about is taste Jane. Get her chocolate ones!” I judged this man as clueless, and wondered if their poor child will be damaged and chubby from all that high fructose corn syrup. Yes, I read the label on the box they chose, just to see if it had it.
4.) Every college kid with roommates should buy their own food and put their name on it. I know this sounds silly, but I think it’s true. Less arguments will ensue. Three bubbly girls were shopping together (new roommates I’m guessing) debating over what kind of chips to buy, who likes popcorn,and OMG have you guys tried uncrustables? I later saw them at the checkout aisle and one girl assumed they’d split the bill 3 ways, while another girl thought she was just “coming along.” Then they said, “well like you’re not going to eat any of this when it’s in the house”, and “I’m not just splitting the cost 2 ways, that’s way too much money.” One girl only brought $15 cash. Then came the debate of charging it. I wanted to walk over and counsel them all, but instead took the moment to be thankful I’m done with college! GAAH! Buy your own food and eat your own food. Split pizza and that’s it!
5.) Watch where you’re going. Simple thing I learned by watching a guy take a step backwards while laughing at his friend in the junk food aisle. His heel got ran over by a cart passing by and I don’t think they were tears of laughter, although he used that as a cover up.
6.) Get your coupons out ahead of time. Nobody wants to wait in line for-e-ver because someone is digging through their purse for a coupon they swear they just had! Get your coupons out and put them in front of your items before they get to the scanner, cashiers love that. Besides do you really want to be the person that holds up a line for 20% off a box of cereal? I think not.
7.) Look in the mirror before you leave the house. Not to sound mean, but honestly people, unless you are going dumpster diving or are headed off to wrestle up pigs later, you should really clean it up a bit if you’re going out in public. The BO coming off of a guy in aisle B5 was enough for me to forgo getting hand soap today, because I wasn’t going near that section. One lady even said to her husband “Ugh, what a smell..” while passing by him. Also, please don’t wear a size 5 or you’re a size 9. Be kind to your thighs and let them breathe.
8.) DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT drive by the entrance of a store with the music cranked so loud that the guy 2 miles away has to shut his windows. Not only that but to be playing a rap song using words like pussy and sex are not fit to be blaring out open windows EVER, especially when children are around. Appalling!! I muttered idiot under my breathe, but one guy decided to just call him a jackass out loud and I liked him for it.
9.) Orange juice gives you zits. This overheard by a mom and some girls shopping together. Mom: “Do you girls want any apple juice? Orange juice?” Girl 1: “OMG no OJ totally causes acne. I hate that stuff.” Mom: “Oh it does not that’s ridiculous.” Girl 2: “No it really does, and gives me cold sores too.” Girl 1: “Ew. I wonder if Pauly drinks OJ cuz his skin is a mess. You should ask him.” Mom: “Ok, well do you want some kind of sodas then?” Girl 2: “I like Sunkist.” Girl 1: “That’s got oranges in it too.”
The conversation got so ridiculous after that, I had to walk away before I started laughing!
10.) The greatest lesson I learned today was from the cashier at Target, and my inspiration behind this particular blog. The kid looked like the red head from the Harry Potter movies, about 17 or so, he said “Until you can do what you love, you gotta love what you’re doing.” Isn’t that the truth? When he asked “how are you today?” and I responded with “Great, how are you?” He proceeded to tell me everything he thought within the 3 minute check out time. It was hysterical. He went on about how “Some people just show up and do their job and work for the money and go home, but I come to be the best I can at everything I do and try to imagine myself as working for free because I’m having such a great time doing what I’m doing. It makes every day a great one! See you get it (who me? he just met me!) you just approach life with a good attitude and know that good things will come.” How did he know that by looking at me? It was great though. He gets it.
Between his schooling me on life and me being a little shocked over his openness, he forgot to give me all my bags which I had to go back and get. So I guess that’s the 11th lesson. Make sure you have all your bags!
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