Ok so I’m not always a fan of the whole bribery thing, oh wait that’s a lie. I’m an expert at it. I just don’t always exert the obviousness of my persuasions. But hey, my kid is an easy target with his sweet little heart and eager to please persona. I use it to my advantage because, well I’m the parent and I can do what I want.
Sooo....the last thing I wanted to do after working a 10 hour day (twice in a row now) whilst wearing my skinny little stiletto heels (which are best fit for a runway than a dental lab) was to make a Target run. Buuuut Mommy knew she could go for a little pampering so it’s an easy “Target” to utilize my bribing skills. Besides I needed to see if they have the OPI Red Hot Raven nail polish to doctor up this manicure from last weekend that is chipping apart at the tips.
No they did not have my shade. Booo!
Filling up the cart with a bundle of unnecessary impulse buys my feet were burning at the soles, pinching at the arches and ready to crumble into a mass of bones and tendons if I didn’t get out of these godforsaken heels. Before I even opened my mouth to see if the kid wanted a treat in exchange for a foot rub he decides to pipe up and say “Hey Mommy, can I get some Lays potato chips? I’ll give you a reeeeaally long foot rub.” Cue toothless grin. And was that a wink I saw? Little stinker has a bit of his Mommy in him. Trying to beat me at my own game! I thought I made the bribes here?
So we had a little deal off: No chips before the foot rub. With which he countered a “no foot rub unless I eat the chips first.” What?! We finally settled on a deal of “If you give me a really good foot rub on the right foot you get to eat 5 chips and if you do an even better job on the left food you get double that amount.” Note my attention to detail here in sneaking in some mathematics.
Also, broken chips don’t count and he gets to pick them out. We gave a firm hand shake and tossed the chips in the cart.
The woman with Doritos in hand dropped her jaw and said “Damn girl, I should be takin’ notes.”
Little did she know that the ice cream in the cart is about to get me a full on back massage with lavendar oil and heated sheets.
Potato chips + ice cream = Foot massage and back rub for the bargain price of $5. Oh wait, did I just throw in another math equation?
Damn I’m good.
