A little boy and his pumpkin head mommy

Being a Mom and a kid’s best friend at the same time can be a bit of a challenge. Hey, I can be both trust me and it works 99% of the time. Today was a little reminder though that I am indeed his “mother” and am supposed to be the mature one. The role model. The example of what one is supposed to act like...

Being that my little munch (I call him that yes) had no school today I was privileged to spend the day at home with him. Fabulous morning it was! Had breakfast, made up silly songs, baked muffins, watched Tom&Jerry, laughed laughed laughed. It was then time to head to Target as we needed more baking items as well as construction supplies to create this pumpkin art thing that he is to complete by Monday for his kindergarten project.

The little mister spotted the front row open parking spot and informed me to “put your hood on Mommy, it’s a bit chilly outside.” (Who’s the adult here?) He even grabbed the shopping cart and said I could be the traffic director and he’d obey my directions. So we did the go fast, go slow, go left, look out for that lady thing as we do and then he saw the Halloween section....

No biggie, we tried on masks, looked at spooky spiders, all that jazz. The little smartie pants even made this comment of which I was so proud: “Oh wow mommy look at all that candy. I bet that makes kids so crazy with all that sugar. That’s not very healthy is it Mommy? They should give out vegetables for trick or treating.” Haha. He never ever asks for candy and I love it. Ok so on to my story...

He then decided to jet off in a full on marathon sprint. Just randomly. Through the aisles up and down all over the store. Literally. I couldn’t find him at times and I sure as hell couldn’t catch him. I’d call out for him constantly. He would sneak a peek down an aisle and whoosh he’d be off dashing away at the speed of light. Giggling and smiling. It was cute at first but then it got tiresome. He was the damn road runner. At one point I saw him like 5 aisles down in the toilet paper aisle and his little head poked out and he said “Meep!Meep!” and I swear his legs spun in circles as he sped off. I was irritated and yet I could not stop laughing. His spirit just makes me happy and that zest he has for life is definitely something to be admired. I tried so hard not to show a smile, I even had to bury my face in my sleeve so he’d believe that I meant business when we caught eyes.

He finally stopped and I tried to act disappointed in him but it was so hard with his silly little face that I couldn’t even speak or I would have smiled and completely blown my obligatory scold. When we got back in the car and I felt like I could be serious I said how unacceptable his behavior was and that he needs to stick by me and listen better. He says “Don’t worry Mommy, you will never lose me cuz I’m a super fast runner and no one can ever catch me and you are the only mommy I’ll ever run back to. I’m just practicing for when I’m a super hero one day. You told me I gotta keep practicing if I wanna be the best at something right Mommy?” And then I laugh again.

Of course he said he was sorry and he wants to make his pumpkin look like his Mommy because I’m his best friend. What can I say? The kid has my heart in the palm of his hand. The pumpkin does kind of look like me besides the pin tattooed nose, not really sure what that’s all about....He even took my lipstick out of my purse and put on some “real lips.” Haha.

On LIFE after DEATH

On LIFE after DEATH: A book review

Well it has been 7 months since my Mom crossed over from the physical world (or as some people would say “since my Mom died”) and it seems lately that I miss her more than ever. It never ends. This feeling of loss is inescapable. It sits on my shoulder and crawls up my throat. I choke on it. I let it out then push it down. Sometimes I just sit with it and wonder if this hollowed part of me will ever become whole again.

Time. It’s supposed to heal everything right? I believe this to be true, however I didn’t realize this whole healing thing would come in waves where you make some progress and then regress, feel at ease some days and then get attacked with emotion when you’re not looking. It’s all part of TIME. Good days, bad days, blah blah blah. The hole is still there. Some days it feels like it starts to gape open like a raw wound and even gets sprinkled with salt on occasion. So I read some good books, meditate, feel grateful for my life, cherish the memories and ever so slowly the hole starts to stitch itself back up. Then I realize that I am NEVER going to hear my Mom’s voice again and poof, the hole opens again and the process continues....

I’m doing quite well considering the fact that I’m walking around with this hole in my heart and I still manage to function in a positive and enjoyable fashion. Walking, talking, giggling, jumping about as if it’s not really there. I’m still me and appear completely whole on the outside. The insides can feel as fragile as a butterflies wing but you’d never know it by the way it’s covered up with my sturdy skeletal structure and sheet of skin to shield the heart that is ticking away with a big ol’ hole in it. That is a miracle in itself my friends!

It gets easier to walk into my parents house as time goes on. I feel my Mom’s presence so deeply when I’m there that I swear there is an energy that is trailing 2 steps behind me when I walk down the hallway. It feels GOOD. The house is exactly as it was when my Mom was still with us. Her purse still sits on the floor in the dining room where she left it. I think it will probably stay there forever getting walked over and vacuumed around for as long as the house is standing. I wonder if the 1/2 eaten cookie is still inside the pocket. I have grown to like seeing her purse sitting there. It’s comforting...like she’s still around.

The last time I went home my Dad gave me this book he read called “on LIFE after DEATH” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I read it in one sitting. It is a phenomenal book and I would suggest it to anyone who has lost a loved one or is simply curious about death. The author has witnessed many deaths as well as interviewed hundreds of people who have died and come back to life...Yes that happens. Death is not an ending. It is merely us coming out of our cocoon into the next beautiful place.

There are so many important and healing words written within the pages of this book and the ones that stuck out the most were the ones that were highlighted (I’m assuming by my Dad) I will share them with you in hopes that you will feel compelled to read the whole book--it’s only 85 pages!

Here they are:

~The opinion which other people have of you is their problem, not yours. This is very important to know. If you have a clear conscience and are doing your work with love, others will spit on you and try to make your life miserable.

~The greatest gift God granted man is free will. Among living beings, free will is given only to man. As such, man has the choice to use this energy in a positive or negative way.

~ If someone doesn’t like a certain truth, he will come up with a thousand arguments against it. However, again, this is his problem. One shouldn’t try to convince other people. When they die, they will know it anyway.

~What church tells little children about guardian angels is based on fact. There is proof that every human being, from his birth until his death, is guided by a spirit entity. Everyone has such a spirit guide, whether you believe it or not. Whether you are Jewish, catholic, or a member of any other religion doesn’t matter, for such love is unconditional. This is why everyone receives this gift as a spirit guide.

~In general the people that are waiting for you on the other side are the ones who loved us the most. You always meet those people first.

~After seeing the light nobody wants to come back. Here, there is understanding without judging and here you experience unconditional love. You will come to know that all your life on earth was nothing but a school that you had to go through in order to pass certain tests and learn special lessons. As soon as you have finished this school and mastered your lessons, you are allowed to go home to graduate! There is one thing everybody has to learn before he can return from where he came, and that is unconditional love. If you have learned and practiced this, you have mastered the greatest lesson of all.

~We are created for a very simple, beautiful, and wonderful life. My greatest wish is that you will start looking at life differently. If you accept life as something you were created for, then you will no longer question whose lives should be extended and whose should not.

~To live well means basically to learn to love.

~Knowledge helps, but knowledge alone is not going to help anybody. If you do not use your head and your heart and your soul, you are not going to help a single human being.

~Nothing comes to you as a negative. I mean nothing. All the trials and tribulations, the greatest losses, things that make you say “If I had know about this I would never have been able to make it through,” are gifts to you.

~Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow. The only thing you lose is something that you don’t need anymore:your physical body.

~Not one of my patients who has had an out-of-body experience was ever again afraid to die. Not one of them in all of our cases.

~You don’t have to do anything except learn to get in touch, in silence, within yourself. Get in touch with your own inner self and learn not to be afraid. One way to not be afraid is to know that death does not exist, that everything in this life has a positive purpose. Get rid of all your negativity and begin to view life as a challenge, a testing ground of your own inner resources and strength.

~I truly believe that every human being consists of a physical, an emotional, an intellectual, and a spiritual quadrant. If we can learn to externalize our unnatural emotions, our hate, our anguish, our unresolved grief, our oceans of unshed tears, then we can get back, get tuned in to what we were meant to be: a human being consisting of four quadrants, all of which work together in total harmony and wholeness.

~Death is but a transition from this life to another existence where there is no more pain and anguish. All the bitterness and disagreements will vanish and the only thing that lives forever is LOVE. So love each other NOW, for we never know how long we will be blessed with the presence of those who gave us LIFE- no matter how imperfect many a parent has been.


*The hole in my heart contracted a little by the time I finished typing this blog.  We will see what tomorrow brings... :)

Every day is a good day~

Today and every day, I will never dwell on my minor aches and pains and petty disappointments. I will not think of the day as horrible or of people as unkind. Ever. I will not feel sorry for myself or wallow about things that won’t matter a day from now and I will NOT under any circumstances ever classify my moments on earth as a “bad day” so long as I am greeted with the warm faces of my family when I get home and retire to a cozy bed at night.

Why?

Because somewhere in this world it is 100% guaranteed that there is another person who is worse off than me. There is no doubt that someone is carrying a heavier load, grieving a greater loss or crying one more tear than me. Somebody has more cracks in their heart and more scars in their mind than me. Someone is always having a harder day in this big old world and nothing can ever compare to any difficulty I may think I am going through...

Someone this very second is being told they have a terminal disease and they haven’t even reached their 10th birthday. The world stopped for a second and a heart broke.

This very moment someone is opening their eyes in a hospital bed and when the doctor asks them if they know their name, they can only respond with a lingering blank stare, an answer that will never come, and a loved one that is sitting beside them who felt like every drop of hope just dripped out of their soul.

Somewhere in this world there is a child screaming from hunger and a mother who is powerless to change it.

Homes are lost. Every day. Jobs are lost every day. Trust is lost every day. Loved ones are lost. Every single day.

Right now there is an expectant mother who’s hearing the words “I’m sorry. We can’t find a heartbeat” and she refuses to believe it. And then she knows it’s true. And slowly her heart crumbles.

Someone just got the knock on their door, the letter in the mail, or the call on the phone and they know a loved one has died. Unexpectedly. They are in that state of electrifying shock that makes you feel like a lightning bolt is stretching from your spine to your fingertips.

Right now someone in this world stepped on a nail while barefoot. Somewhere out there someone just had their hand get closed in a car door. Someone is stuck in a burning building. Someone has a gun to their head.

Someone is seeing something that will scar them for the rest of their lives...

Over 24 people were killed today by a drunk driver. Their families struggle to understand.

Women across the globe were raped today. In some countries this is "normal" everyday behavior.

Right now a mother is wondering whether her child will die of an overdose. She hasn’t slept in days.




Someone right now is taking a breath and not knowing whether the inhale will indeed turn into an exhale. They know they are dying and it is beyond their control. It slowly breaks the hearts of many and is never something you think would happen to you.

There is nothing worth complaining about, dwelling on, or regretting about a day that you can reach the end of and know that a fresh one will greet you in the morning. It’s all about those 24 hour increments. You survive that way. One day at a time. One breath at a time.

To savor each day is the only gift we can give to ourselves and it’s free. Enjoying the little moments that can make our heart dance if just for a second can be worth whatever price you put on it. The good things in life will always outweigh the bad so as long as you choose to focus on them. What you deem to be of value and what price you put on your happiness is up to YOU. If you can acknowledge the blessings in whatever it is that exists in the here and now and see the joy in what you have left in this life then you are doing just fine. You have a another day to feel grateful for and another tomorrow to anticipate and that is all you need for life to be worthwhile.