Five years ago today I allowed a delicate sliver of my heart to slip away from me. I released it and let it carry on outside my body and dwell beside the heart of a precious little baby boy named Landon Anthony Schmidt.
I could feel this tiny sliver of my heart continue to beat outside my body even though I knew this surreal emotion could potentially change everything I deemed to be true about the structure of my mind and soul. I was unaware that a miracle could be so strong that it could literally pull a piece of your heart out of your body, form it into a string of love and wrap it around the heart of another human being like an unbreakable knot of strength. It happened without even trying. A sliver of my heart no longer belonged to me, it would be taken forever by this new born soul and create a beat of it’s own. I could feel that sliver beam with anticipation and dance with wonderment for the unknown.
Giving away a sliver of my heart made me aware that I was no longer responsible just for me. Nothing is this world would ever be about ME again because nothing in the world mattered but HIM.
This sliver of my heart was to be permanently detached for all eternity from it’s home. Everywhere that little boy went, that piece of my heart tagged along. It cried when he cried, it laughed when he laughed. It almost burst the first time he walked and it nearly broke the first time he got a fever. That sliver of my heart sometimes felt like it had attached itself to an emotional roller coaster that heaved along the ups and downs without choice or control. But it protected the heart that was HIS. It felt like a sliver of armor at times. A blanket of love that draped itself around the tip of his heart like a shall. It would never leave him.
This sliver has now been with him for 5 years, although it is no longer just a sliver. It feels like he owns every fiber of my heart. Every ounce of love that my soul is capable of is inevitably consumed in the rhythmic breaths of his life. More and more of my heart has been given away with every passing moment. With every hug, every kiss, every “I love soooooo much mommy”, more and more slices of my heart slip into his. He has promised that he’ll let me kiss the back of his neck 100 times in a row FOREVER if I want to. He promises me that he’ll let me rock him back and forth FOREVER and hold him like a baby for as long as I can lift him. He says I can tuck him in until he’s 20 and he says he’ll always give me the last bite of his ice cream sandwich FOREVER because “he knows how you like the last bite when it’s all melty.” My heart swells up like a helium balloon and floats right outside of my chest and into his. Every day. I want to pause time, rewind moments, and just SNUGGLE for 5 years or so....
A sliver of my heart slipped into the palm of his hand that very moment he wrapped his little warm fingers around my pinky in that hospital bed and it will stay there whether he’s 5 or 50. He has me wrapped around his existence like a string and I wouldn’t want to be tied to anything else in the world but the beating heart of my brown eyed little boy.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Why I HATE Walmart
Reasons why I HATE Walmart
*Warning: This is a quick-type rant blog. The F word is used so many times that I’ll just say F=Fuck and FN=Fucking and FD=Fucked. I will probably bang this out in 3 minutes flat because I’m lightning speed irritated with this ghetto magnet today.
First of all I NEVER shop here and only entered the store because my kid wanted a specific Batman cake for his b-day and this is the only bakery that made it. I had to walk through Walmart’s doors TWICE today because they FD up the order....Lord have mercy on me. They literally forgot to make it as a Batman cake as it was solid white frosting with no design and they also forgot to write his name on it. I’m FN serious.
Here’s my list of reason’s why I HATE(<-----yes I recognize that this is a strong word, which is why I’m choosing to use it in this instance) Walmart.
1.) It’s like a big dirty smelly cement box that collects all the big dirty smelly people in a 50 mile radius.
2.) You can never find anything because it’s too FN big.
3.) It STINKS. This is worth repeating: IT FN STINKS. Like a big old fart. And by the way, on trip #2 today the guy in line ahead of me did actually fart and I gagged. UGH. I can’t believe it....I almost cried.
4.) All the shit looks old and garage-sale-ish. The clothes are wrinkled, the clearance aisles are a wreck, and don’t even get me started on the meat case at the deli. Gross!
5.) The place makes Good Will look like a palace.
6.) All the processed foods, pink jello molds, blue cookies and other shit full of crappy ingredients is contributing to the obesity in America. Look around Walmart and it’s all beer guts and flabby tits down to the knees wheeling around carts full of coke and twinkies. Sad but true.
7.) I feel like I’m at an old folks home when I go there. Random people bellied up against the end of aisles and lingering around with confused looks on their faces. I feel like there should be a “call nurse” button on the end of the aisles instead of a “price check.”
8.) Is There EVER a check out lane that isn’t a mile long?!? NO. Even when you think you picked the shortest line, you didn’t. Between the illiterate cashiers and the women toting 50+ coupons (1/2 of which are not valid, and then you get to drop your jaw over the endless arguing “but it said 50 cents off, what do you mean it was only the crescent roll variety? Can you override it?”)Gah! I never reach the cashier without an angry sweat building upon my brow, that is if I don’t drop my shit, leave the store and curse myself for ever walking through the doors.....
9.) Can I get some help? With anything? You see the employees in blue shirts, they’re FN everywhere, but do you think one of them ever asks if they can help you find something? NO. Why? Because they don’t even know where the F they are or why the F they’re still employed. And who the F cares? I get my pay check anyways.
10.) Walmart epitomizes the definition of corporate greed. Nstarzone.com states: How high of a price are we willing to pay for Wal-Mart's "low-price" model? This outfit operates with an avarice, arrogance, and ambition that would make Enron blush. It hits a town or city neighborhood like a retailing neutron bomb, sucking out the economic vitality and all of the local character. And Wal-Mart's stores now have more kill- power than ever, with its SuperCenters averaging 200,000 square feet - - the size of more than four football fields under one roof! These things land splat on top of any community's sense of itself and devour local business. By slashing its retail prices way below cost when it enters a community, Wal-Mart can crush our groceries, pharmacies, hardware stores, and other retailers, then raise its prices once it has mono- poly control over the market. But, say apologists for these Big-Box megastores, at least they're creating jobs. Wrong. By crushing local businesses, this giant eliminates three decent jobs for every two Wal-Mart jobs that it "creates" and a store full of part-time, poorly paid employees hardly builds the family wealth necessary to sustain a community's middle-class living standard.
Shitty corporations like this I cannot and will not support and the next time my kid wants a b-day cake I will bake it myself or travel 50,000 miles to find the one he wants rather than walk through the stinky polluted greedy airwaves of Walmart. I hate that FN place.
Aaaaaand breeeeaaaathe. F that felt good.
*Warning: This is a quick-type rant blog. The F word is used so many times that I’ll just say F=Fuck and FN=Fucking and FD=Fucked. I will probably bang this out in 3 minutes flat because I’m lightning speed irritated with this ghetto magnet today.
First of all I NEVER shop here and only entered the store because my kid wanted a specific Batman cake for his b-day and this is the only bakery that made it. I had to walk through Walmart’s doors TWICE today because they FD up the order....Lord have mercy on me. They literally forgot to make it as a Batman cake as it was solid white frosting with no design and they also forgot to write his name on it. I’m FN serious.
Here’s my list of reason’s why I HATE(<-----yes I recognize that this is a strong word, which is why I’m choosing to use it in this instance) Walmart.
1.) It’s like a big dirty smelly cement box that collects all the big dirty smelly people in a 50 mile radius.
2.) You can never find anything because it’s too FN big.
3.) It STINKS. This is worth repeating: IT FN STINKS. Like a big old fart. And by the way, on trip #2 today the guy in line ahead of me did actually fart and I gagged. UGH. I can’t believe it....I almost cried.
4.) All the shit looks old and garage-sale-ish. The clothes are wrinkled, the clearance aisles are a wreck, and don’t even get me started on the meat case at the deli. Gross!
5.) The place makes Good Will look like a palace.
6.) All the processed foods, pink jello molds, blue cookies and other shit full of crappy ingredients is contributing to the obesity in America. Look around Walmart and it’s all beer guts and flabby tits down to the knees wheeling around carts full of coke and twinkies. Sad but true.
7.) I feel like I’m at an old folks home when I go there. Random people bellied up against the end of aisles and lingering around with confused looks on their faces. I feel like there should be a “call nurse” button on the end of the aisles instead of a “price check.”
8.) Is There EVER a check out lane that isn’t a mile long?!? NO. Even when you think you picked the shortest line, you didn’t. Between the illiterate cashiers and the women toting 50+ coupons (1/2 of which are not valid, and then you get to drop your jaw over the endless arguing “but it said 50 cents off, what do you mean it was only the crescent roll variety? Can you override it?”)Gah! I never reach the cashier without an angry sweat building upon my brow, that is if I don’t drop my shit, leave the store and curse myself for ever walking through the doors.....
9.) Can I get some help? With anything? You see the employees in blue shirts, they’re FN everywhere, but do you think one of them ever asks if they can help you find something? NO. Why? Because they don’t even know where the F they are or why the F they’re still employed. And who the F cares? I get my pay check anyways.
10.) Walmart epitomizes the definition of corporate greed. Nstarzone.com states: How high of a price are we willing to pay for Wal-Mart's "low-price" model? This outfit operates with an avarice, arrogance, and ambition that would make Enron blush. It hits a town or city neighborhood like a retailing neutron bomb, sucking out the economic vitality and all of the local character. And Wal-Mart's stores now have more kill- power than ever, with its SuperCenters averaging 200,000 square feet - - the size of more than four football fields under one roof! These things land splat on top of any community's sense of itself and devour local business. By slashing its retail prices way below cost when it enters a community, Wal-Mart can crush our groceries, pharmacies, hardware stores, and other retailers, then raise its prices once it has mono- poly control over the market. But, say apologists for these Big-Box megastores, at least they're creating jobs. Wrong. By crushing local businesses, this giant eliminates three decent jobs for every two Wal-Mart jobs that it "creates" and a store full of part-time, poorly paid employees hardly builds the family wealth necessary to sustain a community's middle-class living standard.
Shitty corporations like this I cannot and will not support and the next time my kid wants a b-day cake I will bake it myself or travel 50,000 miles to find the one he wants rather than walk through the stinky polluted greedy airwaves of Walmart. I hate that FN place.
Aaaaaand breeeeaaaathe. F that felt good.
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