A few words to Charlie Sheen....

Dear Charlie Sheen,

Grow the hell up and get your shit together. The baby daddies on Teen Mom are better fit for fatherhood than your sorry ass, coke snortin’, prostitute screwin’, hard boozin, wife beatin’ piece of crap. I don’t care how good of an actor you are or how much $$$ you got in the bank. Fame cannot earn you respect. Money cannot buy you a free pass at intelligence in the eyes of the public. At the end of day, NO, people don’t really give two shits about your life and we don’t go to sleep at night wondering who Charlie Sheen is banging or whether or not he’s wasted in some hotel room with some ho tied up in a bathroom while he’s blurry eyed and breathing through a nose that’s clogged with coke, but guess what? We have to hear about it on the radio, watch it on the entertainment news, and see photos of it on the internet and magazine covers. So with your bloody fame breathing down our necks, of course we are forced to make some sort of opinion on the nature of your actions. I thought you sucked long long ago, but everyone else seemed to think you were such a great actor, that it somehow condoned it all. I’m just so over the rich and famous prancing around on the red carpet and sucking up the lime light, and lavishing in the Hollywood glory of seeing their face in multiple films, but the second they do something raunchy and down right disgusting they’re all “oh my private life is none of your business.” Excuse me? Your private life depicts the true YOU, it lets your true personality step out of the shadow of the fictional character you play, and this Charlie Sheen, helps us decide whether or not we want to invest our time watching you enjoy the thrill of being so talented at your skill. Maybe I don’t want to contribute to your pay check by watching your show so that you can spend more $$ on drugs and ho-bags while potentially disrupting the well being of your children.
Gaahh! And now you’re prancing around back on the set of “Two and a half Men” (a-hem you’re not even 1/2 a man by the way) with some hot little barely 18 blonde little bimbo on your arm, making out in between sets but telling everyone it’s nobody’s fucking business who she is. You’re such an idiot you probably assume she actually thinks you're hot even though you look like a wrinkled old grandpa next to her and she has that twinkle in her eye because she's pretty proud of herself for getting her photo in a gossip magazine, but if you didn’t have $$ she wouldn’t look twice at your tired old monkey face... Charlie Sheen, you ooze douche bag to me in so many ways I cannot even stand to discuss it anymore, so my rant needs to end before I try to rip up my computer screen for allowing your name to even be typed on it!

So please. Grow up so the tabloids have a reason to shut up. I’m tired of looking at your face. And quit trying to look all suave and sexy when you look at the camera, because at your age, it just comes across as looking confused....

The benefits of "Beer drinking chics"

According to a study done by OkCupid, women who prefer the taste of beer are more likely to sleep with you on the first date... Um....duh? Ha ha.

No really. How a person could conduct a study based on your taste for beer and equate it to if you’ll do the dirty on the first date is beyond me, but it does kind of make sense. Maybe a little bit?

Ok so I kind of agree with this, not because I like the taste of beer and I’m proof of this little study, but well...I like my fellow beer drinking girls and I think there’s a true meaning behind this test by OkCupid.

Why? Well, here’s a few things I know about girls that drink beer:

They don’t always have to be prim and proper and act like a lady. They can belch out loud and look hot while doing it, rather than cup their mouth in shame...in fact, they have no shame.

They laugh at their bold indiscretion. Beer drinking girls are who they are. No fakes here. If they want to jump your bones on the first date, they do so because they want what they want when they want it and would do the walk of shame with their head held high. Oh wait- walk of shame? Shiiii- they own it like the walk of fame girl.

Girls who drink beer usually know how to shoot pool, throw darts, and well, drop it like it’s hot. On the dance floor and in the bed...

Girls who prefer a bottle of beer to a glass of chardonnay usually know how to hold their own and hang-with-the-boys so they say. They aren’t specific, they’re usually not too picky, not too opinionated, and can go with the flow. (All of this I think I know from beer drinker’s?!) I know! Such crazy opinions have...

A beer drinking girl can whip her hair at a concert, walk in mud and rain to get to a tent that has beer and sit on a broken down lawn chair and enjoy that beer with a smile on her face. Why? Because beer drinking girls understand the simple things like good music, a round of friends, and well, a cold bottle of beer. Nothing is too serious or too dramatic. Sex on the first date really isn’t THAT big of a deal to them either.

If you’re on a first date and you ask the girl what she wants to drink and she replies “Oh I’ll just have a beer.” Chances are you’re getting it in. Well about a 60% chance, according to this study.

The way I see it, a beer drinking girl is comfortable in her skin, she knows who she is, what she wants, and she’s not afraid to get IT.

If the girl wants wine, she probably likes to take things slow (hence the sipping) and doesn’t want to get toooo tipsy. She likes to look well polished and not get her hair all out of order ...

A girl that hops on the shots right away is insecure and trying too hard. She’ll probably end up like a hot mess later and you won’t be able to get her OUT of the bed if she makes it to it. Her performance will not be up to par either, unlike the beer drinking girl who doesn't have to wonder what you think or if you’ll take her home because she assumes you think she’s awesome and she knows you want to take her home.

So, cheers to all my bottle loving, brew hugging, dirty doing little bitches out there in the world tonight. May your first date start with a beer and end with a bang.

I think I’ll drink to that :)