The toes? They are cold 24/7. And my fingers? Let’s just say the tips are so rarely blessed with blood flow that I instinctively do a double take when they’re actually pink. I have resorted to wearing fuzzy gloves at work so my wrists don’t freeze upon contact with the ceramic counter when I’m typing. These are the things we resort to when we’re deep in the throes of the post tis-the-season, we’re over-the-holidays, enough with this bullshit let’s move onto Spring already mode.
Winter has become treacherous and after running from my garage to the house while the wind ripped threw my hair and left a trail of icicles upon my scalp tonight I screamed obscenities (under my tongue as I had the kid in tow) toward my unashamed dislike for this bitter heartless vengeful f’ing Winter.
Take off the gloves, the scarf, the coat, the boots, the anger and ahhh I’m in my cozy home again. But my pants are cold. I’m still cold! Up the stairs I go into my closet and put on my fuzzy zebra fleece lounge pants (my saving grace from this spiteful cold), put on a shirt and another shirt and a sweatshirt and the 3-layered-fleece-socks that are so thick I had to buy a size larger boot just so they could fit inside. And ahhh...I think I fixed it now. Just as I feel human again I peer up at my shoe rack and see a glisten of something...A little shimmer of...what is that?
I lean in closer and sure shit there it is. This perfectly orchestrated octagon-ally woven piece of artwork created by none other than a spider. It was displayed like some sort of “ha-ha looky what I made” type of web. An intricate design laid perfectly within the outward edge of my strappy stiletto heel. My favorite glistening pink with a gold finish 4 inch pointy toed stiletto. This flickering web was spun tip to heel and not beyond.
Who? What? Where is this little bastard? Spiders are NOT allowed in my closet!
NOBODY and NO INSECT is allowed by my beloved footwear. The ONLY thing allowed to spin within the confines of my dazzling arches is my feet when they’re spinning about on the dance floor. Spiders? Spinning webs? In MY shoes? Oh hell no. But I stared at it in awe. The remarkable ability of this spider left me speechless. He must be a genius...oh wait it must be a she. Plus she picked the most perfect shoe. Middle of the rack. At eye level. Is it a sign? I pondered what this could mean for a good 3 minutes until it dawned on me...
The cold weather has frozen my brain into trying to read a message from a damn spider web.
The only thing that it means is this : WINTER HAS BECOME TOO LONG WHEN YOUR SUMMER FOOTWEAR STARTS TO GET COVERED IN COBWEBS.
The end.
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