The Unexpected Ding-Dong!

Ok, so it happened again tonight. A stranger came knocking at my door and I didn’t open it. I’m all cuddled up on the couch with the kiddo and the dog and “DING-DONG!” The dog jumps up towards the door, going crazy and the kid is yelling “who’s here mommy?” Of course all of the lights are on, TV is blaring, and yes, we are obviously HOME, but am I going to answer that door? HELL NO. He rings it again even, and I know he can see me sitting on the couch, but I just keep on watching TV and trying to shush the dog, cuz the hell if I’m moving...

Here are a few reasons why:

First of all, I’m in my pj’s, no bra, and um…there’s a cold draft when I open the door.

Second, unless I’m expecting someone or need to sign for my new box of shoes, then I have no reason to speak with you.

Third, I give $$ to charity without being asked, I can try to save the trees without signing your petition, and I have found my faith years ago and don’t need to justify my beliefs to a complete stranger.

Fourth, I’m scared. Ok, I don’t live in the ghetto and I know self defense, but still, the world is full of crazies and I don’t have time for you to slip your I.D. under my door so I can quick Google you and check your background before I open the door. Hello? America’s Funniest Home videos are on here…

Fifth, can a girl get some damn privacy? I hate it when my space and time are unexpectedly interrupted. It rubs me the wrong way. I have built a house with a roof, put blinds on my windows, and locks on my doors to retain a sense of calm and peace. You completely disrupt my aura with that damn DING-DONG!

Sixth, we live in a technical world people! Anything I need to know, understand, discover, or ask is just a key stroke away. If I want to find Jesus I can Google how to do so. I can read about politics online and buy cookies there as well. There is nothing that a stranger dinging my bell can offer me that I couldn’t already find myself if I wanted to. So. STEP. OFF. MY. PORCH.

Soooo unless it is Halloween or you are delivering the boxes from my online shopping binge, keep your hands off my bell. Thank-you.