‘Ever have those dreams that make you feel more alive than your actual waking life does? It’s as if your mind literally was transported to another place and woke up in some other awakened mode that felt more genuine than the average conscious state of mind does? I have them a lot.
I had one last night. It was my Mom again.
So the dream (or rather awakening in some other place) went like this:
I was walking past an old hotel type of building with crumbled bricks on the outside and a dilapidated door that hung off the hinges. Instinctively, I knew there was a room inside that I was to see. Just like that I felt the weight of a key fall into my pocket. I walked inside anddown this long hallway where I came unto a red door. I knew it was mine. I put the key in and it creaked open. Inside was the most magical looking bedroom you could imagine. Cozy to the core. The walls were lined with books up to the ceiling and the smell was of fresh rain. The ambiance bounced with golden flames from the fire and a sunrise peering through the large open window that displayed itself like a piece of art above the bed. And the bed, oh the bed was made of dreams and ruby red velvet blankets that looked like an over-sized pin-cushion. A huge chiffon canopy surrounded the whole big bodacious bed flowing around it like paradise and all I want to do was go lay down. But I didn’t.
Just like that an elderly woman was standing directly behind me. She had dark gray hair in the shape of mushroom on her head, tiny spectacles and a flowery dress. Her eyes looked familiar and yet I had no idea who she was,. She looked at me as if she had been waiting for me to get there and was relieved I finally arrived. She opened my hand as her cold yet soft fingers put a small square object in my hand. She simply said “I was supposed to give this to you.” Then she was gone. Poof. Disappeared.
There was a tiny square negative in my hand. It looked like a slide. I recognized this. I would get these in the little envelope after I had my photos developed in the old way before digital cameras and computers! Back in the days of film! (Something my Mom used) But what was this? Why did she give it to me? I immediately walked to this huge window and put it up to the light to try and make out the image.
I could tell right away it was my Mom’s hair and the shape of her face. I moved the tiny negative around different angles of the sky to try and get the best view of it I could. Her eyes. I wanted to see her eyes. I was determined. Suddenly the glass from the window turned to air and I felt a breeze. I jumped over the window sill and out into the lush garden with a gorgeous blue sky. I tried to angle the tiny square image over the different colors of blue in the sky to try and match the shade of my Mom’s eyes to the correct blue. She had that perfect blue eye. Just like that, I got it. The irises turned this beautiful blue and the rest of the image came to life with color...
Then I could smell her hair and I knew she was there. For real. My hand that held the tiny negative was now flooded with light and my palm got really hot. Only the right hand. And just like that she was there. Standing in full body form right next to me. I hugged her and felt this overwhelming sense of peace knowing she was there. She was beautiful. Young and gentle. Relaxed, content, and secure. We looked at each other and didn’t say anything but I was thinking things and she was hearing them. It was a conversation that didn’t need words. Our minds took over what our throats couldn’t release. We held each other and then I started bawling uncontrollably, so hard I couldn’t breathe or speak. I could hear myself weeping and it felt really really good inside. We were locked in this hug that felt like a strong force of impenetrable acceptance and love. Then I woke up. I could feel tears trickling in my ears and it tickled.
When I woke, my right hand was on fire (not with flames, but heat), my eyes were soaked with tears and my heart was in a state of complete elation. The scent of her hair lingered around my body and I could feel a presence beside me.
I laid there with 100% certainty that I had just spent a moment with my Mom. It felt miraculously euphoric. The most meaningful part about all of this is that even though she is not here in the physical world, she still senses exactly when I need her. It's crazy actually. Dead, alive, whatever, my Mom will never stop looking over me and I know she’s probably loving the fact that I wrote about this. I know you are guarding my every waking moment here on earth, I will never doubt that! And yes Mom, there will always be room for you in my blogs...
It’’s not all about sex, sarcasm and fashion.... (until tomorrow)
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