When it comes to the mall, leave the man at home.

OK, so someone needs to help me understand why women feel the need to drag their men to the mall. I know they’re being forced by the obvious look in their eye of sheer annoyance, boredom, and confusion. Men do not want to walk into ladies clothing stores while you browse the sale racks and pick through panties at Victorias Secret while they lay a guilty gaze on the mannequin flaunting the newest magic bra and bright lacy thong going up a hard beige painted concrete rump. Ok, well maybe they like that for a millisecond. After all, the gigantic images of models in VS are pretty amazing....

But as I was saying. The men just look all uncomfortable and awkward. They aren’t sure where to look or what to do. They may pretend to glance at their phone on occasion (yup, still no text messages there), or fiddle with their hair or look at the floor. But really? It’s uncomfortable for us fellow shoppers as well. While his chic is trying on bras in the stall he’s left to sort of “hang out” by the dressing room and pretend he’s texting or something while trying to not get caught ogling the images of Adriana Lima giving him the “let’s f--k” look from the wall hanging.

And then we have the shoe section. Ladies: Men do not want to follow you around like a puppy dog while you try on multiple pairs of Jessica Simpson heels and ask “Are these too tall?” “Do these make my ankles look fat?” Because really? Men could give a shit what kind of shoes you’re walking in unless they make him a foot shorter than you. And quite frankly, the man tailing behind you is taking up a lot of space in the sales rack aisle. Capiche?

Basically, I shop alone. I love shopping alone, it is time for ME and I don’t need anyone to tell me what looks good or what isn’t too tight in the butt. I have an eye for my own fashion thank you very much and I would never wear something unless “I” loved it.

If I did have the man along, I’d tell him to go to some electronic store or sports bar while I shop, so I can browse in peace. So ladies? Be a big girl and shop without your second half for a change. The end.