One two three and the BALANCE of me.

“You need 3 things in life: Something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. If you aren’t happy, one of those things is off balance” I heard a psychologist say this a couple years ago. I can respect that. I get it. She didn’t explain in detail any of the things or why her father told her this from a very young age, but those 3 things stuck with me. I’ve pondered them and concluded that I have a tiny adjustment and added elaboration to go with the 3 things I believe equate balance in my life.

It’s Saturday morning, I should be sleeping in! I’m unusual and sporadic in my resting patterns so I’m choosing to blog out a little early morning wisdom on the computer instead.


Here they are:

Someone to love. I know it’s cliche! It’s a strong one though. Know this: When you have someone to love, all the best parts of your mind and soul are enhanced. It’s like the glossy top coat on a manicure that seals it all. Love makes everything underneath feel better and everything on the exterior is intensified and more attractive. People who are deep in the throes of new love actually GLOW. Those who have settled into a deep substantial relationship of love have a strong construction both inside and out. But that’s just the more intimate kind.
There is so much more to this whole love thing than a partner type/marriage/ sexual 
relationship.
    People don’t actually “need” that type of love, it’s nice but not necessary to experience love. Love can come in the form of ANYONE. A best friend, a mentor, a coach, a parent, a sibling, a dog. As long as you have someone that you can feel love towards, someone that keeps you going, has the ability to bring out the best in you and will be there for you through the rocky roller coasters of life, hold your hand and support you during your greatest aspirations as well as your failures than you know what it is to love. Yes, Self-love trumps all but in the grand scheme of things it isn’t enough to sustain you through the journey of your life. You need SOMEONE to love. It really does make the world go ‘round.

2.) Something to look forward to. There must always be something in your life to look forward to. This keeps the heart ticking and the mind awake. Having something to look forward to can instantly make you feel a push inside. It’s like a little ball of happiness that raises up inside your chest when you think of all the things you have to look forward to. I believe that when a person runs out of things to look forward to, their life in general starts to lose it’s purpose. It has been written in suicide notes that people felt they had no longer had anything to live for hence nothing to look forward to. Losing things to look forward to can begin to derail your insides this is why it is SO important!
I always try to focus on the upcoming goodness of life. Some examples (don’t laugh they’re true!): When I was four years old I used to go to bed with excitement because I knew I got to play with my paper dolls in the morning. I would lie there and contemplate which outfits I would dress them in the next day (ok you can laugh). I know this sounds ridiculous but at 4 years old I sincerely looked forward to that and it made me fall asleep with a happy heart! Haha. The point is, when you have something to look forward to it’s like pushing down the gas pedal inside of you. Sometimes it’s a long acceleration and sometimes it comes in quick pumps. It keeps you going though. Remember the excitement of a particular sports game? Going to prom? An upcoming vacation? A date? A pay check?
Having something to look forward to is imperative to the happiness of life. I think the sole desire of seeing whether or not a love letter would be waiting in my desk when I got to school in the morning was the driving force to get me out of bed my enter year of 6th grade. And when I was obsessed with iced mocha frappacinos I would literally look forward to that cup of sweet iced chocolate yumminess every single day of my life and feel a giddy heartbeat every time I sipped it (Yes, it was a sugar addiction tsk-tsk. I now feel that way about fresh juice haha). In all seriousness though, if you feel off or down you may not have enough things sitting on the ledge in your mind entitled “Things to look forward to.” It should always be overflowing, even little things count. Current things on my shelf: Summer (it will eventually come and I plan on drinking up every second of it), watching the movie 12 years a slave this weekend, going on a couple trips within the next 2 months, my husband’s and son’s presence, going to yoga and Bodies by Burgoon, reading some new books, getting my nails done......These things are simple and yet they are things I am looking forward to. Some more than others!

3.) Someplace to enhance yourself. This one can be elaborated in a few ways. The gist of it is this: I believe there has to be a place (mentally or physically) that you can take yourself to get that time for just you. A place that expands your mind and feeds your soul. Maybe it’s a corner in your home where you can read a book or meditate. Perhaps it’s a 1,0000 piece puzzle on your dining room table. Maybe it’s a church or temple. Maybe it’s an art studio. Maybe you keep a journal or blog or take swimming lessons. The point is that it’s YOUR THING and you feel focused and “In the zone” when you’re doing it. For me those things come in many forms: I love to write, many things in many ways. I go to yoga and feel totally centered from all angles while I’m there. I like to spend a lot of time creating new healthy recipes and cooking helps my creative side shine. My gym (that’s nothing like a gym) Bodies by Burgoon hits my enhancement on a multitude of sections by pushing me to new levels physically and mentally and changing the things my body is capable of by putting the power back in my mind.
When you constantly strive to improve yourself and entertain different goals through life it will keep you engaged in your well-being as a whole. There is no finish line to understanding who you are and nurturing the parts that make you feel good inside. Enhance yourself!

Well there’s the 3 things that I believe keep me balanced. I will sum it up in one final statement: "There is no end to the definition of who you are. If you have SOMEONE to love, SOMETHING to look forward to and SOMEPLACE to enhance yourself you will have a happy heart and a balanced life."

Hmmm...I should have been a psychologist instead. Dr. Melanie Schmidt. Has a nice ring to it, no?

Seven oh sweet heaven....my baby boy is SEVEN.

SeVen. seven. SEVEN. My little miracle is SEVEN years old and time is officially faster than a speeding bullet.

Just when you think the kid cannot get any sillier than he already is....
I catch him singing “who let the dogs out” whilst popping up his collar and dancing in his interpretation of a hip-hop rapper while our little chihuahua Nico sits in observance with a confused look under his big ears.

Just when you think he can’t get any cuter.....
You peek around the corner of the bathroom door to see him with a bath towel wrapped ‘round his belly and combing his wet hair into a mohawk and looking at himself in the mirror with big bug eyes and a monkey face just to make himself look as ridiculous as possible and then he laughs. And then I know for certain he is my child...

Just when you think he can’t get any sweeter.....
He sees that little Nico is shivering and so he covers him with his blanket, kisses him on the top of his head and pets his ears until he stops.

Just when you think he can’t be any smarter.....
he goes and says things like “Mommy, if we call turkey sandwiches turkey sandwiches then why don’t we call ham sandwiches pig sandwiches?” I mean honestly....

Just when you think he can’t be any more humbled....
You see him peer at the homeless guy on the street holding a sign and he says “Mommy, I am so lucky to have a house and a bed and be in a warm car,” without ever mentioning seeing the man. We think in sync and intertwine the same thoughts I swear.

Just when you think he can’t be any more endearing....
He’ll say out of the blue “Mommy, what if I can never find a girl to marry me?” And I almost want to cry when I explain that he is so special and so full of love that all the girls in the world will be lined up in hopes of getting his heart and his only job will be simply to “choose one.” To which I see him smile and relax into a dreamy 6 year old grin. For heavens sake...

Just when you think he can’t be any more thoughtful...
He sees you upstairs doing laundry and asks if he can “help” while also bringing you your cell phone and your glass of water “just in case you forgot” them downstairs.

Just when you think he cannot be any more loving....
He comes up behind you at random and wraps his arms around your waist in a big hug. After your heart melts and you ask him what that was for he replies “I just wanted to hug you because you’re the best Mommy in the world.” You did nothing special to deserve it other than exist.

Just when you think your heart can’t swell any more than it already has he says things like this:

“I wonder if Grandma gets cold in heaven. Oh wait she’s by the sun so I bet it’s warmer up there. But the snow comes from the sky too. Oh but Grandma can fly so she’ll just put on her wings and go towards the sun if it gets cold. Right Mommy?”

Then I look at his little curious brown eyes, the same color as mine with the same glow of peculiar interest and anticipation for life and I say “Yes honey, of course she can fly.”

He’ll makes me promise that he can live with me and Daddy and Nico forever in this house because he doesn’t want to ever leave us. He forces a pinky swear and a cross your heart to confirm that indeed he will neVer leave us.

But I know....

One day he will be a teenager who no longer views me as the funniest, smartest, prettiest mommy in all of the land and he may not want to hug and kiss me goodnight and pinky swear that he’ll live with me til he’s ninety. It might not all be roses and sunshine.

But I will also know....

That deep inside there is still that 7 year old little boy who once worried that he’d never get married, made hilarious faces at himself in the mirror when he thought I wasn’t watching and who believed his grandma could fly.

SeVen. seven. SEVEN. I can’t believe my baby is seven.

Excuse me while I wipe the tear off my cheek.

Victimized by the impulse-buy....

Whole Foods. May as well be the gateway to heaven. Fresh organic produce galore and a sample on every corner. It’s a non-GMO whole food health-nut party up in there and everyone's invited. I must have tried over 10 items on the corners of aisles today! Blood oranges, fresh vegetables, tortilla chips, olives, dips, spreads, crackers, cereal, you name it! I was literally strolling the streets of heaven with my little cart (yes I got the small one), this high quality stuff is expensive and I didn’t want to “over-fill” on impulse buys. Besides I just came in for my french vanilla coconut milk creamer, veganaisse (best mayo on the planet hands down), and some apples.

So this is how my mind goes:

Kale? Organic? Spendy but the leaves look so perky and fresh! In the cart it goes.

Is that really the price for a pound of oranges? I sample some slices. They are delightful. I want more but don’t want to linger around and look like someone coming into the store to mooch food. Guess I’ll buy some- oh look they have brown paper sacks all ready for people to grab, ok I’ll take one. That bag is heavy, wonder how many pounds it really is?

You mean they now have a coconut almond chia seed milk?! Brilliant! Yes please. Oh what’s that? Two for $6? Does that mean one is $3 or it’s the regular price of $3.99? Hmmm..better just take 2.

Oh looky, organic tortilla chips, a mix of yellow and blue, the best of both worlds! I do need to get rid of that salsa at home. Tossed in the cart.

And so it goes. 20 steps in the door and I was switching out my small cart for a large cart. Screw it, I’m being healthy here! Treating my body like the temple that it is!

I was feeling happy and giddy about all the wonderful products I was surrounded by and felt a wave of glee when I put them in the cart. I would have started skipping but didn’t want to look like a loony tune. But seriously. Have you ever eaten fresh organic dates? Mmmm..it’s like a caramelicious treat of sticky honey love! YUM. Ok so I had to get out of there before I went broke. I proceeded towards the check-out lane....

But not before I stopped by this lady at a table giving shot samples of these organic bottled juices. They had all these cute names like GLOW and GREEN SUPREME and consisted of all things nutritious such as kale, carrots, ginger, lemons, chia, spinach, mango, etc...Different stuff in every bottle. Of course I had to approach. I tried this kale apple juice and it was honestly delicious. I tried another. Loved that too! I said I’d buy a few. She was overjoyed that I was going to buy some, which I thought a bit odd. “So you’re sure you’re going to buy some right?” Yes I said. Even more strange was that she insisted on taking a photo of me holding the bottles of juice so she could text her boss the image and prove she was selling some. Sure whatever. On cue, I hold up the bottles in the air and give the best perky eyed, mouth in an open jawed smile of surprise and glee. So I’m all like modeling in random poses with these juice bottles and she’s snapping away on her ipad mini. YaY for juice! In the cart they go. Three of them. Thank god the cashier was 5 steps away!

So as I’m in line to check out I happen to peer over my shoulder at the actual “case of juice” on the refrigerated shelves, not the little display in a basket that this girl had in front of her. Is that right? That price can’t be right. $10.99 a bottle of juice?! A 16 oz. bottle of juice TEN NINETY-NINE. No shit. I squinted and re-opened my little eyeballs and I shit you not, they were $10.99. WTF?! I had 3 in my cart and if I put them back she’d see me. I mean, the juice was good, but not THAT good. F%#k.

So what did I do? Yes I bought the damn juice. I bought TWO of them. I gave the other one to the cashier and said “Oh, you know, I didn’t realize there was turmeric in this and I’m allergic to turmuric, could you put it back for me?” *Truth be told, I am obsessed with turmeric and take it daily--it is like gold to me. Lies lies lies.

So I’m still kicking myself for spending that kind of money on juice, especially since it sells for half that price on their website. Lies lies lies!

Those oranges though? OMG. They were so damn good that I would have paid triple for them. So all in all I’m still happy I stumbled into Whole Foods today and can honestly say, when it comes to “good food” money isn’t an issue because being healthy is the richest feeling in the world ;)

Dreams are reality are dreams are reality: Last night's "Dreality"

‘Ever have those dreams that make you feel more alive than your actual waking life does? It’s as if your mind literally was transported to another place and woke up in some other awakened mode that felt more genuine than the average conscious state of mind does? I have them a lot.

I had one last night. It was my Mom again.

So the dream (or rather awakening in some other place) went like this:

I was walking past an old hotel type of building with crumbled bricks on the outside and a dilapidated door that hung off the hinges. Instinctively, I knew there was a room inside that I was to see. Just like that I felt the weight of a key fall into my pocket. I walked inside anddown this long hallway where I came unto a red door. I knew it was mine. I put the key in and it creaked open. Inside was the most magical looking bedroom you could imagine. Cozy to the core. The walls were lined with books up to the ceiling and the smell was of fresh rain. The ambiance bounced with golden flames from the fire and a sunrise peering through the large open window that displayed itself like a piece of art above the bed. And the bed, oh the bed was made of dreams and ruby red velvet blankets that looked like an over-sized pin-cushion. A huge chiffon canopy surrounded the whole big bodacious bed flowing around it like paradise and all I want to do was go lay down. But I didn’t.

Just like that an elderly woman was standing directly behind me. She had dark gray hair in the shape of mushroom on her head, tiny spectacles and a flowery dress. Her eyes looked familiar and yet I had no idea who she was,. She looked at me as if she had been waiting for me to get there and was relieved I finally arrived. She opened my hand as her cold yet soft fingers put a small square object in my hand. She simply said “I was supposed to give this to you.” Then she was gone. Poof. Disappeared.

There was a tiny square negative in my hand. It looked like a slide. I recognized this. I would get these in the little envelope after I had my photos developed in the old way before digital cameras and computers! Back in the days of film! (Something my Mom used) But what was this? Why did she give it to me? I immediately walked to this huge window and put it up to the light to try and make out the image.

I could tell right away it was my Mom’s hair and the shape of her face. I moved the tiny negative around different angles of the sky to try and get the best view of it I could. Her eyes. I wanted to see her eyes. I was determined. Suddenly the glass from the window turned to air and I felt a breeze. I jumped over the window sill and out into the lush garden with a gorgeous blue sky. I tried to angle the tiny square image over the different colors of blue in the sky to try and match the shade of my Mom’s eyes to the correct blue. She had that perfect blue eye. Just like that, I got it. The irises turned this beautiful blue and the rest of the image came to life with color...

Then I could smell her hair and I knew she was there. For real. My hand that held the tiny negative was now flooded with light and my palm got really hot. Only the right hand. And just like that she was there. Standing in full body form right next to me. I hugged her and felt this overwhelming sense of peace knowing she was there. She was beautiful. Young and gentle. Relaxed, content, and secure. We looked at each other and didn’t say anything but I was thinking things and she was hearing them. It was a conversation that didn’t need words. Our minds took over what our throats couldn’t release. We held each other and then I started bawling uncontrollably, so hard I couldn’t breathe or speak. I could hear myself weeping and it felt really really good inside. We were locked in this hug that felt like a strong force of impenetrable acceptance and love. Then I woke up. I could feel tears trickling in my ears and it tickled.

When I woke, my right hand was on fire (not with flames, but heat), my eyes were soaked with tears and my heart was in a state of complete elation. The scent of her hair lingered around my body and I could feel a presence beside me.

I laid there with 100% certainty that I had just spent a moment with my Mom. It felt miraculously euphoric. The most meaningful part about all of this is that even though she is not here in the physical world, she still senses exactly when I need her. It's crazy actually. Dead, alive, whatever, my Mom will never stop looking over me and I know she’s probably loving the fact that I wrote about this. I know you are guarding my every waking moment here on earth, I will never doubt that! And yes Mom, there will always be room for you in my blogs...

It’’s not all about sex, sarcasm and fashion.... (until tomorrow)

Day after? Not so jolly.

Well, maybe I just need to blog -it-out here because my crabby pants are wound super tight tonight!

Reasons why I could POSSIBLY be so damn crabby the day after the oh-so-holly-jolly-Christmas-day....

1.) Felt like I was going to work on a Saturday as the roads were dead, weary was my head, and I didn’t feel particularly “alert” in any fashion.

2.) My boots were in slush for like 1/2 a f’n second and the socks were already wet before I stepped into work.

3.) I was all geared up to NOT eat shit today and was greeted by an 8 lb carrot cake someone brought as “leftovers.” Played the whole not-gonna-have-any, wait-maybe-a-little-slice, should-I?, no!yes!no!yes! game and the next thing you know I ate way too much carrot cake and scolded myself continuously all morning long. F%#k!

4.) Was told that I looked tired. Granted maybe I WAS tired but I don’t need confirmation .

5.) Felt sad. Just cuz. People aren’t always nice. A reminder that no one needs to be “good” anymore as Christmas is over.

6.) The Christmas tunes played extra loud today and I wasn’t in the mood for any more chestnuts roasting on an open fire lyrics. Do people really do that anyways?! And what the hell are chestnuts?!

7.) I realized that I am lonely. Lonely for friends and companionship and laughter. Things that should happen more often in my life than once every few months. Realized that I need to call more people. Got sad again. Realized no one calls ME.

8.) Got my period. Realized I had no tampons. Ran out to my car and found one in the glove box. May as well have been an icicle. I had to crank up the thermostat after that one.

9.) Realized how much I despise Winter and darkness and all things COLD. Realized I cannot escape this.

10.) After working a 10 1/2 hr day and finally starting to drive home I had the pleasure of being greeted by a douchebag on wheels right up on my ass within the first 2 miles. I impatiently switched lanes and so did he. Tailing my ass like a f’n moth to a flame. My inner road rage demon of which I never allow to release herself suddenly ripped through my chest with a vengeance that no part of my conscious mind could contain. GAME ON. I’m not sure what happened after that but I snapped. Suddenly it became the first scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. He sped by me just so I could see him wave his middle finger at me only to then slow down and revert back to tailing my ass again because the other lane was slower. I was now doing 75 in a 55 for fear his bumper would end up inside my trunk. This shit went on as I spewed words that would make  a trucker cringe and literally was out of my mind. He then thought it would be a smart ass move to blow past me in the right lane as the vehicles started to veer towards the exit ramp. I saw his finger once again begin to raise although it never quite made it’s full erection because a yellow van with no windows suddenly decided it was NOT the exit they were to take and quickly veered directly in front of douchebag on wheels, cutting him off in such a manner that his only option was to veer off into the ditch. Where he stayed. Stuck I presume. My cuss words turned to praise. A loud, singing, hahaha, jubilantly revenge ridden type of ditty. Eat my slush succcckkkkkaaaa!! Ha!

Anyhow, so the day after Christmas wasn’t so jolly. In part I think it’s because there’s this ridiculously over-rated hype and build up for December 25th. What goes up must come down. Once it’s over, it’s kind of like “huh, well I guess life goes on now...” Life is good, life is great, but it’s possibly a reminder that we shouldn’t just feel this way once a year. The gathering of family and loved ones, the dressing up and cooking a nice dinner for those who mean something to you, or sending a card just to say hello with a few pictures inside could go on all year round at random instead of just this one month. I think that’s what hit me. I need more excitement in my life. I need more real conversation. More real moments. That is what makes me tick. Everyone goes into hibernation in Winter! Come out and play people! (Just not in the snow, I can’t stand that stuff)

So tomorrow? I vow to not be crabby. And if I run into douchebag on wheels again I’ll keep my mouth shut and be polite with a smile and a wave as I run him off the road.

~Love Actually~

Love Actually....

It’s the movie of all movies. From the moment it starts, ten different baits are cast at my heart, hooked at all angles and reeled in. My soul is taken to a magical land of emotion for over an hour and a half then returned to my fluttering chest. Swollen, burning and beaming with sensations that only a good film can create. Every time I watch it I pick up on something new and the lessons so eloquently imbedded in this motion picture are endless. It’s like some intense educational course that rides you along a roller coaster of love, wisdom, and the ever-changing adventures of the heart.

Here is my take on the top TEN lessons on love brought to you by the glorious film “Love Actually”

1.) Love speaks no language, knows no age, and has no agenda. It has no comprehension of inconvenience, no sense of time and no control, yet if you let it, it can still conquer all.

2.) There may be more than one person in the world for you but nobody in the world will be able to tell you that when you are deep in the throes of love. If someone has it bad for a particular person they get tunnel vision and there is nothing you can do to change their mind.

3.) It’s true. Women love musicians. If you don’t have looks on your side I suggest you pick up a guitar and give it your all. Even the ugliest of musicians can find love! Look at Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler.

4.) If you go to a bar in Wisconsin it’s pretty easy to get laid, especially if you have an accent and are willing to shell out a few bucks to buy her drinks. Or just hit up the Midwest in general. Preferably  the small towns, those girls like to party and are drawn to guys that “aren’t from around here.” It’s like a moth to a flame.

5.) Music touches the soul. Joni Mitchell writes from down deep and even though she claims to not know love at all I think she has a pretty good grasp at the strings of it. Evidence found in lyrics such as:
“Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.”

6.) You can’t help the ones you love. Whether it be your best friend’s wife, your much older and very married boss, or a brown eyed beauty that doesn’t speak a lick of English. It’s really worth saying again: You can’t help the ones you love. Sometimes it feels wrong and sometimes it feels right but either way sometimes it’s out of your hands. It may work in your favor or it may teach you a lesson. Do with it what you may but be aware that love can be a gamble. Know when to held ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.

7.) Love is everywhere. You can’t escape it. Even if your heart feels like it has been ripped out of your chest by a dagger and left to wither away slowly, aching and swollen and totally disarranged. I assure you love is waiting on the side lines. You may lose a spouse. Your wife may be sleeping with your brother. Your husband has a wandering eye. These things happen every day but I assure you LOVE will still be there, in a new form just around the corner. It waits patiently. You cannot hide from it, love will find you.

8.) The purchasing of jewelry is reserved for your significant other. Women always appreciate a nice piece of jewelry and don’t think otherwise. Nothing says I Love You more than diamonds.

9.) If you can’t say it show it. When you have no voice whether you’re too shy or just plain scared remember there is always the written word. Even if their ears can’t hear your voice, their heart can still be thrilled by the message. Remember that your eyes are the window to your soul, use them to your benefit!

10.) If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain. What could be worse than the total agony of being in love? The unknown. The risk. The rejection. The happily ever after dream that taunts you in your sleep. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back? Ugh, it can be brutal. But love, TRUE love is worth it in the end. It’s worth the fight. It’s worth the tears. It’s worth the risk of knowing you could lose it. Believe and open your eyes....

because love actually IS all around you. And love actually IS worth it all.

~The Tree In Me~

Lay down my roots and plant me up
a portrait of sorts and mixed up muck
through heat and chill and winds whipped raw
I sprouted. I weathered. I owned. I saw.

There’s a fire that burns. Inside the tree of me.
It gleams of love dripped in mystery.
It’s bolder than a forest of vibrant dreams
Twisted weeds. Torn up. Laced tight at the seams.

My colors are sporadic, adapting to my tree.
I open one eye. Tuck it all inside of me.
Swaying within the winds of my mind
Hope flutters. Wilts. Leaves burdens behind.

Seeds can flourish but with knowledge and might
A regret. A whisper, A struggle. A fight.
But it’s when the worst has finally past
Then the truth sets in. Blinds you. Like a flash.

Delicate am I in my firm little stance
Unaware of the beast. A game. A dance.
Of mingles and spice and leaves and rain.
Lifts you up high, cuts your branches to shame.

The storm can be bred from a glimmer of sun
Starts softly. Solo. Hugged up in a hum.
Rumbles of thunder haste to tackle your core.
Give you noise, and dilemma, and utter uproar.

Though withered up fierce and wrinkled inside
I took the beatings, I groaned in stride.
A strong arm pierced amid that gust
Spins all the maybes into one big MUST.

Mighty fierce am I. Tough as bark can be.
Grace ignites. Flares up. Batters the coat that covers me.
It nurtures through every ache. It weeps.
Tears shed. And water. Grinds the roots in deep.

Through contorted vines built on twisted lies
It glows. Truth burns. Pokes holes in jagged lines.
Roots intertwine around deceitful tales
A heart withers. Rebuilds. And thy will prevails.

Between Summer’s scorch and Winter’s freeze
Of farewells and loss and dampened dreams
Blossoms of Spring weaves the gold of Fall
My soul flies away while my insides crawl.

A trunk of secrets bears leaves of remorse.
I scoff. They shed. Grow up. Trek the course.
Inhale come together. Exhale fall apart.
Acceptance wraps me up. A noose around my heart.

Weathering it all. Those roots won’t quit.
Day in day out. They endure. They Commit.
Wrongdoings hidden in the shadow of dark.
Light brings out truth. Wisdom strengthens the bark.

I stand tall. I stretch far. The sky is my domain.
It fuels me. Heals me. The Earth. It knows my name.
I am shining in the NOW. That is the tree in me.
Beautifully weathered.

Firmly planted.

wild

scarred

.....and Free.