Booty Call. Those 2 words can either make someone cringe with anger over an unfulfilled game of love, or smile with memories of the spontaneity and uninhibited fun they once had.
If you don’t know what a booty call is, (and it scares me to think that someone may not)than you never dared to allow your body to be swept away in a late night rendezvous and know you’re not going to be sent a dozen roses in the morning. You are either wild and free or too uptight for “that sort of thing.” Perhaps you valued yourself too much than to be “just a booty call.” It’s not about that though. It’s about thinking outside the box, letting yourself go, lavishing in naughty actions and smearing lipstick all over some guys sheets and leaving without making the bed or having to worry about how he likes his coffee in the morning. You do the deed and get the hell out before the sun shines.
I prefer to see it as respecting yourself enough to know that a good night of sex doesn’t have to wipe away self esteem and leave you moping home in a walk of shame and guilt. Ahem-- no no no. You can walk with your head held high and your brain still intact knowing that a night of good sex can leave you feeling euphoric and uplifted and in control. You got what you came for and you don’t have to take any drama back home with you because you know the difference between leaping for lust and falling into everlasting love. You know that tangled bodies and sweaty lips are ONE thing and romance and fairy tales are ANOTHER thing. This is why it’s called a booty call, it’s about getting some “ass.” And that’s it.
The Urban Dictionary’s first 3 definitions of “Booty call” are:
*A phone call that can only be made after 1 AM.
*noun: a person with whom one has sex at random times outside of a relation ship. 2. verb: the act of calling said person. 3. noun: the term used to refer to said phone call
*A call to a girl asking for sex. She comes over and u fuck. That's it. A call for Sex.
The third one cracks me up because it insinuates that only males actually place the call. Hello?! Women have needs too people... Or is that considered “drunk dialing?” Either way, booty calls usually occur while under the influence and if you’re left going home alone after a night out with the “guys” or “girls.”. Eh, may as well resort to the old booty call. When it comes to booty calls, I am a fan. I think if both people have an understanding of where this sexual relationship is going, than no harm can be done. Invest your heart and soul? Expect disappointment to seep in. It’s about SEX and that’s IT.
Have them while you can and enjoy them while you can, love will come when you’re not looking, but booty calls are in the palm of your hand honey. Remember this: The only thing worse than being a booty call is to have never made anyone’s list....
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Good things come to those who wait...or do they?
"Good things may come to those who wait, but only those left over by the people who hustled." I heard this quote a long time ago. I agreed with it then and I agree with it now.
Whenever I hear the quote “Good things come to those who wait” I picture a bunch of people lined up on folding chairs with their backs against a plain white wall, twiddling their thumbs and gently rolling their eyes trying to be patient while they expect good things to fall onto their laps like the rain. Seems ridiculous, but to me it sounds ridiculous. Patience can only go so far and it gets twisted up with procrastination and laziness at times. I understand that some things may have the potential to turn out fine if they don't get disrupted by moving too fast or trying to find a quick solution to something rather than thinking it through, but to me it still doesn’t signify the word “wait.” I also understand letting things fall into place knowing that it’s okay to believe that some things will happen if they’ll happen and it’s out of our hands. All good things do not come to those who wait- it’s a 50/50 gamble or maybe a 10/90 gamble depending in the situation. So here’s what makes sense to me in regards to “good things coming”:
Good things come to those who expect the worst, hope for the best, and adjust to the unpredictable.
Good things come to those who know how to get what they want without compromising their integrity and morals, or losing their self confidence.
Good things come to those who can stand their ground even when the soil loosens, bumps arise, and they feel like someone just dug them into a hole.
Good things come to those who understand that everything in life is temporary and the things you deem important today may not be so pertinent tomorrow.
Good things come to those who can state their opinion as well as respect another person’s point of view (without getting defensive)
Good things come to those who treat others how they want to be treated. Get along with people! We’re all trying to get through this thing called life.
Good things come to those who know how to give without expecting anything in return.
Good things come to those who believe in the power of positive thinking.
Good things come to those who believe that good things will come. They believe they deserve good things and are worthy of goodness.
Good things come to those who have the good sense to know that they have the control to create the good things they want.
Whenever I hear the quote “Good things come to those who wait” I picture a bunch of people lined up on folding chairs with their backs against a plain white wall, twiddling their thumbs and gently rolling their eyes trying to be patient while they expect good things to fall onto their laps like the rain. Seems ridiculous, but to me it sounds ridiculous. Patience can only go so far and it gets twisted up with procrastination and laziness at times. I understand that some things may have the potential to turn out fine if they don't get disrupted by moving too fast or trying to find a quick solution to something rather than thinking it through, but to me it still doesn’t signify the word “wait.” I also understand letting things fall into place knowing that it’s okay to believe that some things will happen if they’ll happen and it’s out of our hands. All good things do not come to those who wait- it’s a 50/50 gamble or maybe a 10/90 gamble depending in the situation. So here’s what makes sense to me in regards to “good things coming”:
Good things come to those who expect the worst, hope for the best, and adjust to the unpredictable.
Good things come to those who know how to get what they want without compromising their integrity and morals, or losing their self confidence.
Good things come to those who can stand their ground even when the soil loosens, bumps arise, and they feel like someone just dug them into a hole.
Good things come to those who understand that everything in life is temporary and the things you deem important today may not be so pertinent tomorrow.
Good things come to those who can state their opinion as well as respect another person’s point of view (without getting defensive)
Good things come to those who treat others how they want to be treated. Get along with people! We’re all trying to get through this thing called life.
Good things come to those who know how to give without expecting anything in return.
Good things come to those who believe in the power of positive thinking.
Good things come to those who believe that good things will come. They believe they deserve good things and are worthy of goodness.
Good things come to those who have the good sense to know that they have the control to create the good things they want.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
All else fails? Grin and wear it!
Here’s my new little technique I use when I’m feeling as though someone is trying to pull me out of my “happy place” and into the pit of negativity with their crabby moods and cruel intentions. It’s quite simple actually and keeps me giggling all day. When someone makes a rude comment or wears a frown and their lower lip protrudes out so far that you have to hold your hands back from trying to flick it back into place, you need to get back on track. As much as I’d like to tell people to grow up, be nice, and quit acting like a 3 yr. old, I can’t do that. I need to stay in my happy zone thank you very much. So I don’t look at them. I look at a mirror instead.
When assholes strike, drama starts, or people get all bitchy I simply remove myself and head to the ladies room. I look in the mirror at myself and twist my face into the biggest grin I can muster up. I’m talking ridiculous bozo-the-clown type of glee. I pop my eyes open as big as they can go and bulge them up with enthusiasm and hilarity. Ear to ear, as wide as my teeth can smile and as high up as my brows will go, I perk my face into this cartoonish type of silly happiness. I look like a damn fool. A lunatic. A person that’s two breaths away from the loony bin. But you know what? It’s fucking hilarious. A person simply cannot, in all their power, not laugh their ass off if they do this. Fake it til ya make it. Laughter is the cure to anything, I swear. I laugh so hard that every piece of negative energy that tried to seep into my mind is exuded out through bellows of laughter and I feel refreshed. Energized. New. Of course, my fellow co-workers using the restroom for it’s sole purpose are hiding in the stalls afraid to come out because they think a crazy hyena is on the loose.... Anyway, that’s not the point. When I walk out I feel like a brand new shiny being again. Void of all evil and ready to skip to my happy beat again. And anytime something bothers me during the day, I simply picture my ridiculous shit ass grin in that mirror and I’m good to go again. My soul is warmed with laughter and I’m reminded at just how insignificant mood swings can be. I grin and I wear it in my mind because that silly image of my ballooned up happy face can be remembered all day long. Try it! Consider it free therapy.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
A life changing book we all should read....
I have a fond love for books, especially those that make me feel like I’m becoming a better person for having read them. Books that can give me a new perspective on life or help me understand what my purpose is are always something I gravitate towards. When difficult situations arise in life, I turn to books. The written concepts of wise people are what gets me through things. Some books are written by teachers. Some are written by doctors. Some preachers. Some books are inspiring tales of those who have beat the odds and lived to tell about it. I particularly focus on the books written by psychologists when I need to remind myself of the mind’s power to create our existence and rebuild an optimistic approach. The most recent book that I have added to my list of “Books that have changed my life” is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. There is a reason why this book has been published in dozens of languages and sold tens of millions of copies. He wrote it in only 9 days and yet the knowledge it carries with it will help the lives of millions for centuries to come.
It’s difficult to describe in a simple blog the enormous impact this book has had on my mind and nothing I could say would give it the justice that an individual reading it from cover to cover could gain from it. I read it in less than 2 days. It was that good. Here are a few things I high-lighted from the book, just to give you an idea on how Frankl thinks:
"The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance."
"What is to give light must endure burning."
"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true."
"Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time."
"In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice."
"Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation."
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
"Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose."
"I do not forget any good deed done to me & I do not carry a grudge for a bad one."
"Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in its spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance."
"A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes - within the limits of endowment and environment- he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions."
“The point is not what we expect from life, but rather what life expects from us."
"If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering."
"Fear makes come true that which one is afraid of..."
"Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how."
"The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest. What will it matter to him if he notices that he is growing old? Has he any reason to envy the young people whom he sees, or wax nostalgic over his own lost youth? What reasons has he to envy a young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future which is in store for him?
No, thank you,' he will think. 'Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.'
I almost want to read this book again even though I just finished it yesterday...
It’s difficult to describe in a simple blog the enormous impact this book has had on my mind and nothing I could say would give it the justice that an individual reading it from cover to cover could gain from it. I read it in less than 2 days. It was that good. Here are a few things I high-lighted from the book, just to give you an idea on how Frankl thinks:
"The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance."
"What is to give light must endure burning."
"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true."
"Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time."
"In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice."
"Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation."
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
"Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose."
"I do not forget any good deed done to me & I do not carry a grudge for a bad one."
"Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in its spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance."
"A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes - within the limits of endowment and environment- he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions."
“The point is not what we expect from life, but rather what life expects from us."
"If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering."
"Fear makes come true that which one is afraid of..."
"Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how."
"The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest. What will it matter to him if he notices that he is growing old? Has he any reason to envy the young people whom he sees, or wax nostalgic over his own lost youth? What reasons has he to envy a young person? For the possibilities that a young person has, the future which is in store for him?
No, thank you,' he will think. 'Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, although these are things which cannot inspire envy.'
I almost want to read this book again even though I just finished it yesterday...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
When it comes to the mall, leave the man at home.
OK, so someone needs to help me understand why women feel the need to drag their men to the mall. I know they’re being forced by the obvious look in their eye of sheer annoyance, boredom, and confusion. Men do not want to walk into ladies clothing stores while you browse the sale racks and pick through panties at Victorias Secret while they lay a guilty gaze on the mannequin flaunting the newest magic bra and bright lacy thong going up a hard beige painted concrete rump. Ok, well maybe they like that for a millisecond. After all, the gigantic images of models in VS are pretty amazing....
But as I was saying. The men just look all uncomfortable and awkward. They aren’t sure where to look or what to do. They may pretend to glance at their phone on occasion (yup, still no text messages there), or fiddle with their hair or look at the floor. But really? It’s uncomfortable for us fellow shoppers as well. While his chic is trying on bras in the stall he’s left to sort of “hang out” by the dressing room and pretend he’s texting or something while trying to not get caught ogling the images of Adriana Lima giving him the “let’s f--k” look from the wall hanging.
And then we have the shoe section. Ladies: Men do not want to follow you around like a puppy dog while you try on multiple pairs of Jessica Simpson heels and ask “Are these too tall?” “Do these make my ankles look fat?” Because really? Men could give a shit what kind of shoes you’re walking in unless they make him a foot shorter than you. And quite frankly, the man tailing behind you is taking up a lot of space in the sales rack aisle. Capiche?
Basically, I shop alone. I love shopping alone, it is time for ME and I don’t need anyone to tell me what looks good or what isn’t too tight in the butt. I have an eye for my own fashion thank you very much and I would never wear something unless “I” loved it.
If I did have the man along, I’d tell him to go to some electronic store or sports bar while I shop, so I can browse in peace. So ladies? Be a big girl and shop without your second half for a change. The end.
But as I was saying. The men just look all uncomfortable and awkward. They aren’t sure where to look or what to do. They may pretend to glance at their phone on occasion (yup, still no text messages there), or fiddle with their hair or look at the floor. But really? It’s uncomfortable for us fellow shoppers as well. While his chic is trying on bras in the stall he’s left to sort of “hang out” by the dressing room and pretend he’s texting or something while trying to not get caught ogling the images of Adriana Lima giving him the “let’s f--k” look from the wall hanging.
And then we have the shoe section. Ladies: Men do not want to follow you around like a puppy dog while you try on multiple pairs of Jessica Simpson heels and ask “Are these too tall?” “Do these make my ankles look fat?” Because really? Men could give a shit what kind of shoes you’re walking in unless they make him a foot shorter than you. And quite frankly, the man tailing behind you is taking up a lot of space in the sales rack aisle. Capiche?
Basically, I shop alone. I love shopping alone, it is time for ME and I don’t need anyone to tell me what looks good or what isn’t too tight in the butt. I have an eye for my own fashion thank you very much and I would never wear something unless “I” loved it.
If I did have the man along, I’d tell him to go to some electronic store or sports bar while I shop, so I can browse in peace. So ladies? Be a big girl and shop without your second half for a change. The end.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Money can buy you Viagara, but Viagara cannot buy you love.... (A short little tale of love, money, and ancient wieners)
Money can buy you things. Money can buy you big beautiful expensive things if you have enough of it. Those extravagant things may attract women. Big beautiful full lipped and round assed women. Those beautiful women will see that big wad of money and will somehow manipulate their personalities into being a fun and adoring playful girl in order to use your money to enjoy having the things they want and lavishing in your big beautiful mansion of luxury. The more money you spend on them and the more gifts you give them will easily add fuel to their affectionate engine and they will continue to rev it for you in order to get more and more of what you’re giving. They will think they have a big beautiful life ahead of them and thanks to Viagara they can also have a big beautiful cock to somehow light their fire, well, that is if they have a dark enough blind fold on and they dash enough ecstasy into their motor... (oh and they can pretend really really hard)
But after time, they realize that even though they have beautiful clothes, new cars, fresh manicures and big beautiful boobies, they may not want to waste it on a wrinkled old prune that wears a silk bathrobe to disguise his flat grandpa ass and only let’s you stay out til 10:00 on the weekdays. Not to mention those old movies he makes you watch every Sunday night that were made before you were born and you have to pretend to like them, and understand them...
They may not want to have to close their eyes every time they suck the saggy boner-wanna-be noodle that’s bounced in and out of thousands of women for the passed 80 years, trying to pretend it still has some life left. Mr. Winkie is tired of getting up and you’re tired of going down. You can only be so superficial, and after all, you have probably faked more orgasms in your 25 years than someone should in an entire lifetime. So you wake up and move on. You still got what you came for and you’re leaving the old man to wallow in his pornographic empire while you walk away with jewels on your fingers, bells on your toes, and a craptastic load of fame to roll off into the sunset with.
Crystal Harris, you may not be as dumb as people thought. And Hef? Perhaps you need to realize you aren’t the pimp playboy you once were. Perhaps ask your secretary Mary on a date? You know she’s not out for your money, and I’m sure she’ll still let you buy her some boobies :)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
My silly mistake of the day :)
So I did something silly today (actually, a tad dumb) and feel obligated to share the humor...
So as I’m leaving the shopping mall with my jolly little kid in the back seat chanting “I’m hung-wee, I’m hung-wee, I’m hung-wee” (translation: “I’m hungry”), I ask him what he wants. “I want a hang-a-ber, and french fries, and lots and lots of ice cream!” Typical response here.
Cruising along the road, I try to find the nearest drive-thru. I pull in and land in this long line while some lady in a mini-van takes like 10 minutes to place her order (she has the proud mom bumper stickers at all angles on the rear window...and you know there’s like 6 kids in the back). I’m thinking “Gaahh, can’t people just figure out what the hell they’re going to order ahead of time?!” Anyone who knows me, knows that I was born without patience. I FINALLY get up to the damn speaker and chant out as quickly as possible, proud that I know what the hell I want “I’ll have a kid’s cheeseburger meal with fries and sprite, a large fry with lots of mayo packets, and 2 small chocolate frostys with whip cream.” I got my money in hand because I’m all organized like that....Suddenly the girl says through the speaker, in the most duh-like tone eVer, “Umm, we don’t have any of those things. This is Taco John’s.” I can sense the cocky expression on her face.
I look up, and sure shit, I am at Taco John’s.
I thought I was at Wendy’s.
I simply reply “Ooopsy...I think I have the wrong place.” I drive 10 feet, hang a right and pull into the “correct” drive-thru for Wendy’s.
Lesson learned: Think before you speak, don’t judge others because nobody is perfect, and perhaps a little patience wouldn’t kill me.
So that was my dumb moment of the day! I think I even blushed a little, so obviously I had to get a LARGE frosty after that ordeal.
So as I’m leaving the shopping mall with my jolly little kid in the back seat chanting “I’m hung-wee, I’m hung-wee, I’m hung-wee” (translation: “I’m hungry”), I ask him what he wants. “I want a hang-a-ber, and french fries, and lots and lots of ice cream!” Typical response here.
Cruising along the road, I try to find the nearest drive-thru. I pull in and land in this long line while some lady in a mini-van takes like 10 minutes to place her order (she has the proud mom bumper stickers at all angles on the rear window...and you know there’s like 6 kids in the back). I’m thinking “Gaahh, can’t people just figure out what the hell they’re going to order ahead of time?!” Anyone who knows me, knows that I was born without patience. I FINALLY get up to the damn speaker and chant out as quickly as possible, proud that I know what the hell I want “I’ll have a kid’s cheeseburger meal with fries and sprite, a large fry with lots of mayo packets, and 2 small chocolate frostys with whip cream.” I got my money in hand because I’m all organized like that....Suddenly the girl says through the speaker, in the most duh-like tone eVer, “Umm, we don’t have any of those things. This is Taco John’s.” I can sense the cocky expression on her face.
I look up, and sure shit, I am at Taco John’s.
I thought I was at Wendy’s.
I simply reply “Ooopsy...I think I have the wrong place.” I drive 10 feet, hang a right and pull into the “correct” drive-thru for Wendy’s.
Lesson learned: Think before you speak, don’t judge others because nobody is perfect, and perhaps a little patience wouldn’t kill me.
So that was my dumb moment of the day! I think I even blushed a little, so obviously I had to get a LARGE frosty after that ordeal.
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